how to deal with an abortion that you don't want.

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I've just found out I'm pregnant. Contraceptive failure. No more than 7 weeks on Monday. I cannot keep this baby, the father is toxic and I can't swing it financially. I feel an attachment already and I'm terrified of medical abortion and I'm worried it will stop me from conceiving in the future but I really feel I have no other choice.

Can anyone please offer me some advice on how to get through this or any reassuring stories ? Thanks.

If the father would not be interested in raising the child alone, would you consider having your child adopted? There really are other choices other than abortion. I wish you well in getting through this, it just be a really difficult time.

I'm sorry your going through this. It's never easy but it sounds like you are doing it for all the right reasons so very unselfish of you. Maybe I'll be slammed for this but I've been there myself and I've had dc since good luck op x

Many people have had abortions and gone on to have healthy babies when they are ready. I'm sorry you're in this situation but as a previous poster said you are doing things for the right reasons. Take care of yourself

If you don’t want to have an abortion - which seems to be part of your post- you really don’t have to.
There is help out there to keep your baby.
Sounds like the first thing to do is to get away from the father. Maybe women’s aid could help you?

I couldn't do an adoption. I already have one daughter and I don't think I could cope to carry a child and then give it to someone else, if it wasn't biologically mine it would be a different story. I wish I could do that. I've sobbed my heart out for three days nearly now. I do not want another child with that man, he is a terrible father. I truly cannot see another choice than to terminate the pregnancy, if I could see anything other choice if be doing it, I'm already riddled with guilt and scared of the procedure. I do want more children but not now and not with that man. I feel at a loss

I'm no longer with the father, we split around 6 weeks ago, so I'm away from him, he is moved out and completely separate to me and his daughter now.

If you have it now it's two tablets that is all just period pains hot water bottle and then maybe get your self some counselling xx

@whatsmyname is that all it is at around 7 weeks ? I thought it was way more. My daughter did quite young and a handful so I'm worried about having to care for her. I had a very traumatic birth with her and it can't be worse than that, but I got an infection in my womb after that nearly killed me, and I'm scared I will get another one. I will have to buy a hot water bottle.

I'm already on the list for counselling but I'll ask for it when I speak to clinic. I have a phone appointment on Monday x

@WhoUsedMyName got your name wrong ! X

Why can you not have a surgical abortion? It's shocking if this choice is being taken away from women. I had this procedure but for mixed miscarriage as I did not want the tablets.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. 🌷

I'm very glad you're away from him now. Has he left you & your DD alone?

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd
I don't think i want a surgical and with the Covid crisis, I'm still in a high risk area so I presume that they are just doing Medicals where they can x
@AmelieTaylor yes he's left us alone, only speaks to me when he wants to sleep with me - which I'm not allowing obviously, hardly any regard for his daughter and zero financial support so he can be on his way. Sick of him x

I had medical, it took 10 mins and I was out supermarket shopping an hour later. I don't want you to think I took the decision lightly but the procedure is easy. Afterwards it's a heavy slightly longer period

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd can I ask why you didn't want the tablets over a surgical just out of interest?

[quote WhoUsedMyName]@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd can I ask why you didn't want the tablets over a surgical just out of interest? [/quote]
Because I wanted it over and done with and to be asleep for that.

@minnieok I think I'd rather be in the comfort of my own home, just with how upset I'm feeling. But I'm glad you made the right decision for you x

I had a medical abortion in my early 20s, it was two tablets on two appointments but may have changed since. I’ll be honest and say it wasn’t pleasant passing at home but I had no complications and it wasn’t particularly painful.

I went on the have 3 DC with the same partner I had when we made that decision.

I feel a little wistful if what could have been had we had the baby, but I don’t feel regret at the choice, don’t feel sad and rarely think about it unless something reminds me, which is rarely.

It sounds like you are making the choice on solid practical reasons so you should feel no guilt xx

It really sounds like you don’t want an abortion and I think no one should be forced to have one they don’t want due to finances, which seems to be the main obstacle for you. Have you looked into what financial support there may be going ahead. There are national and local charities which can help with the financial practicalities, benefits housing, items you might need via a baby bank, lone parent support groups etc. Don’t feel pressured into something you don’t necessarily want if it really does boil down to finances. It’s really positive that you’ve registered for counselling. I hope that you get all the support you need whatever your decision. It sounds like you are in such a difficult place right now and I’m so sorry this is happening to you

@Fungster

If the father would not be interested in raising the child alone, would you consider having your child adopted? There really are other choices other than abortion. I wish you well in getting through this, it just be a really difficult time.

Because thats so much less traumatic for OP

In your shoes I think I would do the same thing. If he's toxic and abusive, then you do not want to be tied to him any further.

A medical abortion at this early stage is a couple of tablets which can be taken at home. There is no reason at all why it should stop you from conceiving again in the future when you are ready to have another child.

Because thats so much less traumatic for OP confused @Advicewouldbeappreciated

She's already pregnant. Trauma is inevitable. Her post states that she's terrified of abortion and concerned about future fertility. What about that makes adoption unsuitable? Neither option is "good".

Do you honestly think having to stay emotionally detatched from pregnancy for 9 months, giving birth, having the separation of holding and loving a baby then giving it up, is in any way comparable to an early abortion at 7 weeks????

@Settleandcalm Thankyou for your reply. I'm presuming it won't be the most pleasant experience but at least I can curl up on my sofa, have a little cry, have a hot water bottle and watch crappy tv whilst it happens I suppose. I just worry at ruining my chances at conceiving again which I know is very rare but I am a worrier xx

@NameChange84 I have looked into financial support and with my current job the only thing I'd be entitled to is child benefit. It's not just that though I don't want to be any further tied to my daughters dad x

@Advicewouldbeappreciated I agree with you, there is no way I could stay detached enough from the pregnancy to put the child up for adoption, I'm already feeling attached now, I don't want an abortion but I can't see another choice, if i saw anyway of keeping this baby I would, but I hand in heart can't. If I kept the baby to put it up for adoption I would end up backing out, and then end up being tied further to my daughters father and struggling financially, which I don't want x