Abortion at 15 weeks

[groundhoglet]

Hi, I'm just looking for support here because there are very few people I can talk to about this in real life. I have a beautiful and much wanted daughter who is 7 months old. I just found out that I am 15 weeks pregnant (originally had a false negative 2 months ago but then positive test yesterday and ultrasound today). I had thought I might want a second child in 4 or 5 years maybe but I wasn't totally sold on it and just wanted to enjoy my daughter's babyhood. This unplanned pregnancy would mean a 13 month difference between the two babies. My husband's mother is very ill and it all feels overwhelming. Practically I could manage but I feel it would mean 2 or 3 years of chaos and putting my career on hold significantly to give myself over to raising babies, being exhausted the whole time. Then it would all be over in a blur. I have loved the baby phase and so 'getting it over with' isn't a plus for me, I want to really want any child I bring into the world and relish as much as possible.

I feel awful about the idea of terminating at this stage, it feels late in the day and I feel stupid and irresponsible. But this idea of 2 babies so close has me in tears too. On the one hand I think children come when they come but I feel so awful at the idea of not being able to give my daughter the attention I would like to.

I guess I'm just looking for people who have been through something similar or have any wise words, either about termination at this stage and how it was or 2 babies close in age.

I had a termination at that stage, physically it was fine but mentally it was very tough as my emotions afterwards were shot to bits and I was very depressed for a while.

However I didn't have a child at that time and if I did I think it would have been a great distraction to help me through.

You have to take everyone else out of the picture and consider what you want, it's tough having 2 close in age but at least you will get it out of the way. I am facing having another now with a 5 year age gap and that's not filling me with joy to be honest.

Whatever decision you make will be the right one as you will have made it for a reason and you will make peace with it, if that makes any sense. Hope you are ok, feel free to PM me if you need to talk

There's never a perfect time to have a baby and there's a lot to be said for getting it all over and done with in one go as it were. I chose to have my kids v close together. Your DD will have a sibling close in age and they might even be in the same school year. It actually might be really tough to return to the baby years once your older child is at school, and would mean another break in your career.

It's a tough decision OP and I feel for you, especially as you were undecided on having any more in the first place.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do...

Do what is best for your circumstances OP and what you would have least regret over in the future. It's a difficult choice either way. 💐
Having 2 that close will likely be difficult and hard work to begin with but I have a sister that has had 4 kids with 2 sets of 2 kids a year apart and it's worked very well for them as they were still in the nappies/ night waking etc stage anyway and the kids are very close as they were so young there wasn't really any jealousy and now they are older they are interested in the same things so play together well. I appreciate that might not be the case for everyone though!

I think although it will be hard initially to have 2 close together ultimately it would be okay and the babies/children would have someone else to play with and occupy them.

What does your partner think?

I have twins—you are right-/it was very hard for the first year or 15 months. I feel sorry for people whose children have a gap now. My children play together, have th same friends and school, etc. more importantly, they understand each other. That said, it was harder at first and this is your body. I am just telling you my experience with kids close together. Good luck with your decision.

Just coming at it from the other side....

Me and my sister are 13 months apart (she is the oldest) and it is amazing!!

We are in our late 30s now and we are still the best of friends. Our whole childhood, youth and teenage years were spent together, we had the same friends, went everywhere together etc and it was wonderful. When I think of my childhood all the fun memories are wrapped up in her and we can spend hours and hours reminiscing over our childhood and laughing so much.

Your current baby will have no awareness of her not having your full focus or missing out on being the ‘only one’ as she’s too young for emotions and feelings like that.

If you are considering termination because you don’t want to miss all the one-to-one time with your current baby then that’s fine, but don’t consider it just because you think your baby will be at a disadvantage. And think about what a wonderful opportunity you are giving her to create a sibling relationship so young and one that may turn into something very special.

You sound very conflicted about what you want to do and it must be very hard. Just make sure you are 100% sure you want to terminate before you go through with it