I'm 5+1 and since I found out I was pregnant I've been in a really dark place mentally and emotionally. I struggle with anxiety and I've always used alcohol as a crutch and now that I can't drink to calm down I've had several panic attacks. My mum is worried and so is my DH.
Even though I thought we were ready for a baby I find now its actually happened that I'm filled with dread and regret. DH and I have talked and are on the brink of taking a break from our marriage due to me feeling that everything is just wrong and this isn't what I want.
But I can't untangle whether its my poor mental health making me feel like everything is wrong or whether I am unhappy with my DH/being pregnant and that's what's worsening my mental health.
I'm considering a termination but its destroying me because I already have had an abortion after a contraceptive failure when I was at uni. I feel like one abortion is a mistake but more than one, does it make me an awful person? I think if I terminate this pregnancy than I wouldn't deserve to ever be happy again.
I'm so frightened for my own health and my relationship at the moment, but terrified of making the wrong decision and regretting it forever. I'm 27 and on paper now is the perfect time for us to have a baby.
I just don't know what to do.