Considering Medical Abortion

[Eastbourne83]

Full of shame to be writing this, but I think I want an abortion.
I have 2 beautiful children (7 and 2) and have very unexpectedly found myself pregnant. Now I don't know what to do.
My gut feeling is I don't want this baby. I have called BPAS and they're sending me the pills, should arrive today.
But I keep looking at my kids beautiful faces and changing my mind 😔
We didn't want another baby because we had a scare with our last (first scan showed possibility of downs) and because although we could scrape by financially, I don't want that for my boys. I don't want to gamble with the perfect family we have, and I really love my job.

But on the flip side this is against everything I thought I believed in. I feel awful for considering termination when so many of my friends have struggled to conceive. My family are catholic so there's no way I could tell anyone. I don't want to live the rest of my life being triggered every time I see a baby bump or newborn.

I've spent the last week praying I'll miscarry and that the decision will be taken out of my hands. I can't handle the limbo - I have to decide now.

My husband is wonderful and supportive whatever I choose.

Has anyone been through this? What helped you decide? And have you lived to regret it?

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it sucks.

I made a decision to terminate five years ago at 6 weeks and also went through BPAS with the pills. It was a few awful weeks.

I came to the conclusion by thinking, if I take the pills, I'm upset for a week but ultimately my life goes unchanged. I was happy with how my life was, and that was a big factor for me.
I have to decide what had a bigger negative impact, short term the termination would. But long term, keeping the pregnancy would have been negative for me.

It's never easy and there is so much guilt involved at first. I regret it ever happening yes, but I can't change that.

I think you have to think long term, but that's just my thinking. I'm sure other people have other thoughts and that's fine.

Hugs

Thank you so much for replying. Not being able to talk to any other girls about it is the hardest thing for me, so hearing someone else was feeling the same is a real comfort!
Was your termination manageable? I'm only 5 weeks max, but the thought of it still fills me with dread. Obviously in lockdown the kids will be in the house when I take the medication, and I'm worried about going through it with them around.

Hi @Eastbourne83 can I ask if you did decide to go with the pills? I took my last ones lastnight and looking for advice/ peoples experience on the same thing as Not much is really happening to me at the moment and worried it’s not normal

I took the first one last night, have t taken the rest yet. I feel awful. Couldn't sleep last night at all - a woman in our road was clearly having a home birth, and was screaming with labour pains. Feel like I'm being punished!
Sorry I can't advise about your situation lovely, have you had any bleeding at all yet? Sorry you're going through this too, it sucks 😔

Sorry @Eastbourne83 I’m new to this and didn’t realise the timing of your messages, it really is hard I know how you feel. Cried taking the first one knowing that once that’s done it’s advised to carry on, really hope you’re ok. My bleeding and cramping isn’t heavy at all which Is concerning me slightly

I’m here for a chat if you need it. Thinking of you xx

Thank you. I'm just trying to work out when to take the next set of pills, hubby is here but so are my 2 boys. Can't handle the thought of them banging in the bathroom door 😔

Bless you I know it’s Hard to decide what time will be best as it’s unpredictable when it’ll all start, I took mine around 5pm hoping it’d be through the night whilst my sons in bed, let me know how you get on hope it goes as well as it can x

I've just taken the pills. I know this was the right decision (I've still got the list of reasons on paper here) but I feel so awful. Will keep you posted.
Thank you so much for your support, you have no idea how grateful I am!

@Eastbourne83 Sorry for late reply I don't use the app much.

I felt fine at first and stayed in bed. Few hours later I suddenly felt ill, sweaty, threw up multiple times and then passed the pregnancy within a few hours.

Have lots of rest, but also move about? As staying lied down too much can slow the process down.

I bled heavily for a week, second week with nothing, then had random massive day long bleed.
Make sure you always have pads with you as it struck me whilst I was in Aldi and I had to leave my shopping and go home, is soaked all through my jeans and down my leg within 30 seconds which was awful.

Good luck tonight. sending you hugs