Unplanned 3rd - what to do?

[bibbityboo2]

Hi. I'm about 6 weeks pregnant with an unplanned 3rd baby. I have a just turned 4yr old and a nearly 2 yr old (21 months).

I always thought about a third but not until my other DC we're older and at school. I completely panicked when I found out and booked a termination for tomorrow. I'm not sure I can go through with it. It took years to conceive my first and never thought I'd ever be considering this. I just feel like I'm really not ready to have another baby yet. My 2 don't sleep, I'm about to be made redundant, my husband is almost never at home due to work, I usually get help from my parents but they are shielded with health problems & have no idea when we will be able to see them again. This current situation really isn't helping. I don't want to be pregnant and go to hospitals during the pandemic- I'm very anxious about this virus. My head is in a spin.

How on earth do I make a decision like this?
I think I'm mostly worried about how I would cope with 3 under 5. It's just not how I had pictured things. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel with things getting easier with my 2 and now it's been turned out! I think I need advice on how to make this huge decision....

Hello my lovely, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this. What does your husband say about this? Is he being supportive? I have four amazing boys and can say that in some ways it’s easier having 2+ children because they all play together and children always love to help mummy with a new baby. It’s far easier to manage if you involve them and give them tasks or their own little thing that they’re responsible for. I didn’t care that one of the older ones put too much sudocream on or got more yogurt on baby’s bib than in his mouth. They were caring for their little brother and watching that bonding between them was priceless. You’re a mother and the only thing that matters is the love for your children, everything else is white noise.
As far as visiting hospital is concerned, you will be protected. Your midwife will advise you and put you at ease. By the time baby comes along, the current situation will have eased considerably and the new normal will have established itself. By then your parents will be able to help out too.
Life has a funny way of working things out. If you’re having doubts then try to look at this in a positive light, you’re a mummy now to two lovely children that you obviously adore and now your third child has come along just a little bit early. And remember, millions of children were born during the war and life just went on. What we have now will take a little time to get used to but it’s not nearly as bad as it was during the war.
I hope this has been of help to you. Xxx

Sorry you are so worried. I had three at about the same intervals as you. I couldn't imagine being without my third one, not for a second. I am one of three as well so I suppose I would have just found it too small a family with just two... I don't know the precise details of your life but I can say that it has worked out brilliantly for us.

Thankyou both so much. Very kind and reassuring words. I think I would love to be able to cope with a third now and deep down don't really want to terminate but I also don't want to cause more stress to a family that I feel like already don't have it all together - both DC end up in my bed every night! I'm exhausted and things feel hard sometimes now but worried will be even harder with another.

Husband is very supportive and will go with whatever I decide as he is away a lot and understands it really is mostly on me. When pressed he would prefer to keep it though as the thought of termination makes him sad (his words)

But anyway it may have been taken out of my hands.... I had some one sided pain yesterday so spoke to the EPU they called me straight in for a scan and although they could see a sac it was empty. With my dates they should of been able to see something so it's either earlier than I thought or a blighted ovum. I have another scan in 2 weeks and will know one way or another then. I feel so much calmer now (& have cancelled the termination) what will be will be. I feel if baby is there in 2 weeks then it is a fighter and meant to be but if not I think I'll be ok with that too....

What a rollercoaster OP. I hope that whatever happens you find some peace. Don't be surprised that, if you lose the baby, you might be more upset than you expected. Our emotions are very complex! All the best.