Pregnant and so scared

[nh1994]

Pregnant and so lost

Hi. I found out I’m pregnant 11 days ago, I am 6 weeks and 3 days. And I cannot come to a decision about what to do. I have a partner and we’ve been together for 4 years, he says the decision is mine to make.
The main reason I’m in favour of continuing with the pregnancy is I have PCOS and I fear this may be my only chance. And the main reason I’m not in favour is that I’m just so, so scared. I know this is probably normal but it’s really getting to me. I’m terrified of giving birth, I get cold sweats and start to shake and have even needed to run to the the toilet on a couple of occasions where I think about it. I’m terrified that the baby will have something wrong with it, or it will be stillborn. I haven’t taken any folic acid or anything and I smoke. I’ve cut down since finding out but I’m still smoking (I am really trying to stop). I keep giving myself a deadline of sorts to come to a decision and when it arrives I still haven’t made up my mind. I’m running out of time to get a medical abortion (too scared to have a surgical one).
I have actually spoken to a counsellor and been for a scan at my local abortion clinic (I’m in Scotland).
I just don’t know what to do

Does anyone have any advice?

If you are terrified of giving birth, you can have a c-section. The actual giving birth part you have choices about, so try not to worry too much about that.

But the raising of a child is another matter. It's a serious decision and a life-long commitment.

Only you can know if you are ready for that.

Childbirth can be as pain free as you like. It's such a small space of time compared to your child's whole life. Any abnormalities will be picked up along the way so you can decide not to go ahead if there's a problem. Stillbirth is very rare

However, If you're waking up hoping it'll all just go away then maybe you're not ready just yet x

Do you want a baby?

Honestly yes I do want the baby. I'm just scared.

My partner and I have had a huge argument tonight where it turns out he's basically been waiting for me to turn around and decide to abort. So if I go ahead I won't have any support. I don't have any family. I feel like the odds are stacked against me. But I feel like I would never forgive myself if I aborted. I don't have a job, only ever worked in retail & was planning on going back to uni. I don't think I can bring myself to go through with a termination

Sorry that's all a bit jumbled. Just so lost

Some things in pregnancy can be controlled, prevented and such, and others can’t unfortunately.
Firstly you need to think whether you’re able to raise a child . You need to be financially able to support one , with or without your partner. If your partner isn’t going to support you that’s a whole other situation that needs to be dealt with. It’s unfair on a baby to not have as best of a life that he/she can have.
Baby health wise- quit smoking , that will minimise lots of complications. For you and baby.
Start rising folic acid if you’re wanting to go ahead with it, that will prevent defects etc .
If you seriously don’t think you can cope then that’s ok too, there are options. You say you’ve had a scan already so you know where to go should that be your choice but it is your decision to make and nobody else’s .
Childbirth pain- if you’re really frightened you can have a section but they also come with their risks too and recovery time etc but that’s what birthing plans are for and that will be dealt with further ahead.
I’m 24 weeks almost and still don’t know what I want to do labour wise !