He said no more kids...

[vinotinto88]

DH and I have two DCs. In two years the oldest one will be heading to secondary school. Youngest is primary.
I'm desperate for another one. After many conversations we agreed that in January once we've pumped up our savings we will start trying in January 2021 and then I can have some decent Mat leave from work.

I didn't think the plans had changed. He said he was excited for another baby. Complete the family etc etc.

Maybe I put the pressure on slightly but I said it was then or never. I'm only early 30s but with the kids we already have I didn't want to start all over again later down the line.

This morning he says actually no, there won't be another baby. Changed his mind. Not up for discussion. It's a financial disaster and we are busy enough as it is. When we planned financially, and it would be me taking 95% of the responsibilities.

I'm floored. And gutted. I know I'm lucky to have two incredible kids already but I didn't realise how much I pinned my hopes on this final one. Literally been day dreaming about it for months. Being pregnant again. The newborn stage.

So, how do I get over it? And accept the fact.

Sorry if this is insensitive to anyone else trying.

Shameless bump.

I think you've put too much pressure on him. Especially at a time like this when no one knows if they will have a job in 6 months or not.

January 2021 is months away so he could have changed his mind again by then. You might be taking 95% of the responsibilities as per your post but I'm guessing he would be taking 100% of the financial responsibility?

Your DH sounds very worried about the current situation and the financial consequences. Take the pressure off him completely, wait for Covid-19 to blow over, then start thinking about more children when the world is back to something resembling normality.

So the financial responsibility would be both of ours. The money saved would go for my Mat leave so I can continue to pay the bills I usually pay.

But the night feeds, school run etc would fall to me again which I'm ok with.

I know he's stressed about work but we are in the current lucky situation we can both earn and work still.

If he's stressed about the the here and now I get it. Life is awful and weird at the moment. But to say never. Not even to consider in January when it is so far away still. And such a sudden U turn.

Is there a way to get over it? I do just here to accept it and move on because he needs to be 100% on board so I have to bury my feelings and move on.