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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Termination due to finances, shocking?

12 replies

Lydial · 17/04/2020 14:10

I was looking through many threads and when talking about choice finances are briefly mentioned. I wanted to ask for your thoughts on this.
I am 37 married and have 2 kids 12&10, I am also 7 weeks pregnant which came as a complete shock. We had such a hard time when my two were little, as it was during last recession I was made redundant twice, we lost our mortgaged flat, had to move in to a tiny horrid one bed and there were times my sister had to buy food for us. As my husband earned over the threshold we didn't qualify for any kind of government help. We lived in London near my inlaws they helped with childcare when I found a job and we worked so hard to buy a modest 3 bed house 5 years ago. (moved out of London). I also just been offered a great job when locked down is over. When I do the adding up of what would maternity leave cost us or what nursery fees would be, financially it would put us in such distress and I feel we are too old to build it back up again (hubby 42), or if not too old I just have no strength to do this again. My husband works for a small firm there are concerns for its future due to current situation. It will also mean staying in my old job without progression, I worked so hard to get to where I got to and bag a new job. So this is why I have a telephone appointment booked. Cannot talk to my sister or mother they have different views and will sure find what I said above selfish. Anyone had to make this choice due to finances?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 17/04/2020 14:13

I haven’t, bit so few take this into consideration. Life is uncertain at the moment and if this pregnancy doesn’t feel right then you need to make that decision.

Is your DH onboard?

Lydial · 17/04/2020 14:36

Thank you for your support.
We were so shocked that this pregnancy happened, as I have been on the pill since our last child and never miss it, so cannot get my head around how this is possible. My husband is supportive, we keep having discussions of what is best. And the age of our children, how this is going to affect them if we are put in a bad financial situation. How this will affect us as a couple when we are just starting to get our heads above the water etc. But the fact is it happened and I am sure no one wants to make this very hard decision. I never thought that I ever would. I am used weighing up what is best and head over heart matter, but this decision is nothing like anything I can compare to that I ever made.

OP posts:
Namenic · 17/04/2020 14:43

It’s a very tough situation. I hope you can get counselling to think your options through. Adoption is an option as well. I wish you all the best.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 17/04/2020 14:48

I haven’t ever had to make the decision fortunately so I know my post probably isn’t valid but I don’t think it would be shocking, I’d say if you know you can’t afford a child it’s more irresponsible to have it tbh.

You have to do what’s best for you & the dc you already have

Candyfloss99 · 17/04/2020 14:53

To be honest I think it's more selfish to have the child if it means financial hardship on your other children. You need to properly think about all the options.

Moondust001 · 17/04/2020 14:56

I agree it's tough, but if you are both on the same page in terms of thinking about this, then I think a termination is the best option. You have fought hard to get some stability in your family life, and that stability is very important. My work currently is managing UK anti-poverty programmes, so I understand exactly how "knife-edge" life is for many families, and never more so than now. We do not know what the shape of the world to come is, but economically it is highly unlikely to look like the one several weeks ago. Some sectors will be lost forever, some companies lost forever. You cannot control what decisions others make about the future, but this one you can. You are not being selfish. You are exercising your right to choose. But you are also being pragmatic. It isn't all about you, and you have to think about how this impacts on the whole family that you already have.

merryhouse · 17/04/2020 15:01

Well look, either abortion is ok or it isn't. If you don't want a baby then financial reasons are no more unreasonable than feeling your family is complete or not wanting to stay with that partner. You've spent a decade attempting to avoid pregnancy using the cheaper more convenient methods: on this one occasion that hasn't worked so now you're availing yourself of the next level up option. This is what responsible people do.

Highfivemum · 17/04/2020 15:12

What ever you decide I wish you well. You are coming up with all the negatives as if to convince others it is right to have a termination. You do not need to have other people’s approval, it is your decision as a couple. You have to do what’s best for you and your Family. We all have different lives so you must act how you feel best. Best wishes.

ScarletFever · 17/04/2020 15:18

What ever you decide is the right thing - you can terminate for any reason you need to and when you make the decision take comfort in that.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

If you want a personal view? I would probably terminate, i don't want any more children (mine are slightly older)

Lydial · 17/04/2020 16:25

Thank you for all of your replies and sympathy. It is very comforting to be able to talk to someone who is not directly involved and can offer their prospective.
I don't think that adoption is an option as it is likely to negatively impact my two children and not something that I will be able to do.
Moondust001, it is such a thin line for ordinary families. I wish that government offered more support to working families. As many would not have to endure such unnecessary hardship when they work so hard.
Highfivemum, I think it is my way of convincing myself more than anyone else. Did I look at this situation properly, did I weigh up my options and when I did, if I am to put it in front of someone impartial what do they think.
Thank you for your honest opinions

OP posts:
Allgirlmum · 18/04/2020 21:07

I nearly aborted one of my babies due to financial side but decided to carry on its been hard

You got to do what you got to do no one can tell you what's the right thing

TARSCOUT · 18/04/2020 21:21

There are many reasons to decide whether to terminate or not. Everyone has different priorities that they live their life by and absolutely no one can tell you what the best thing to do is. There has been a troll post twice on here tonight so you may wish to use caution as I have a feeling you might start getting some vicious anti abortion posts. Take care OP and I'm.sure you will make the right choice for you and your family.

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