Torn between the two.

[holly790]

So I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant with what would be baby no 3. My older two are 6 & 10. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy however I’ve always wanted more children and I work in early years so I’m very used to multiple babies/children at one time. The problem I have is that the two I have are from different relationships already( both long term) . This baby would again be from a different partner. he was domestically controlling and abusive. I went to the hospital for an abortion today but came home without the tablets etc.. I have a week to decide. My family say they’ll support me either way. I thought I was always very anti abortion until my current situation. I just worry selfishly about my future and finding someone when I have 3 children rather than 2. People have dreams/aims about careers etc but mine is just to have a family and partner. My sister thinks I’m ruining my life by continuing. I’m completely at war with myself with regards of what’s best.

Virtual hand hold for you. I'm in a similar position, unplanned baby no 3. I don't know what to do either. The current situation is so unsettling without an unplanned pregnancy. I haven't yet made a decision about what to do and I'm just over 4 weeks. I wish I had some useful advice, but I don't. I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

From this very limited information it sounds like you are great with kids, maybe not so great at picking men. So have the baby and accept you are unlikely to ever find a forever man, but be happy in the joy your kids bring you

See what it is important for you, children or finding a man?
I am also crap at men although my 2 DC have the same father. I was pregnant with no.3 with my current boyfriend (with whom things are going nowhere) and decided terminate. I nearly came to terms of being a single mother of 3 forever, as like you I would love more children,but in the end I couldn't do it, I wasn't brave enough to carry on without support.
Still slightly regret (only been a month ago) but it's done and life goes on and with corona shit and no life partner to speak of it is just easier this way.

Thank You it means a lot x

In practical terms your and your existing children lives will be harder..
You will probably be financially worse off and connected to an abuser for years ..this will also impact your existing children...
The emotional impact of being connected to your abuser will also be hard for you.... if it had just been a relationship breakdown then maybe the practical could be managed...

But from experience (a v close friend) the emotional impact the abusive ex had for years was horrible... she has never felt free ....as always has to worry about him

A handhold here too.
In a similar situation in that this is an unplanned no 3. Have an appointment scheduled for next week and I’ve currently no idea what to do..

Sending you a hug. I’m in a similar situation. Pregnant with 3rd by someone different. I’ve brought the other two up with their father who was emotionally abusive. I’m not with the guy who I’ve got pregnant with. It was a mistake. I don’t want to have an abortion as don’t overly like the thought of it but am 40 and can’t have another baby on my own or be connected to someone who isn’t very supportive already for the rest of my days. Just got to get through this and we can enjoy our children that we have. Xx

@tiggertogger that's rather rude! I have 3 children by 2 different fathers and they all have regular contact with their dads and both dads pay maintenance..

@tiggertogger. Not the time or place. Have some compassion FGS

@holly790

You've always wanted more children, you were anti abortion, your kids are 6&10

How old are you?

If it was me I'd keep the baby. If you find the right man later on, whether you have 2 or 3 children already isn't going to make much difference. But this might be your last chance to have another one & the gap between your older two and another one is growing all the time.

Probably controversially, but I wouldn't tell the Ex. I'd deny it was his & leave him to sort it legally if he was arsed, which most wont be.

You're going to have to really listen to yourself & decide which option you can best cope with x

@AmelieTaylor the single worst advice I've seen on this forum ever. Immoral and irresponsible.

@tiggertogger that really is disrespectful. Just because they have different dads doesn’t mean they don’t care about their children and provide support.
@AmelieTaylor you can’t not tell the father if you are going ahead as yes I agree he isn’t the best choice but still has a right to know.
OP no wonder you are struggling with making a decision. This is why I too struggle. At the end of the day it’s your personal choice what to do. The forums are great to get advice but only you can make the decision.
You have to weigh up a) if you can deal with it all mentally, b) the strain on your existing family and c) if you can go through having contact with that ex or go through having an abortion.
It’s difficult to decide as our bodies are all over the place while pregnant and the baby is doing its hardest to survive so sways you to keep it but for myself I know what I have to do for the best for my own well-being. It’s not easy to do but has to be done. Good luck xxxx

Wow @tiggertogger how rude are you! As it happens both my two children are from long term relationships. Both parents play A financial part in their lives and it wasn’t my choice in either situation to go it alone. Both relationships ended because of factors that were beyond my control. If you must know the first cheated on me and the pictures were placed on social media over 10 years ago whilst I was pregnant with my daughter. My second partner went to Afghanistan twice and had a melt down and couldn’t cope when he returned the second. I took the brunt of this and there were all kinds of threats made against me. He had raised my daughter from when she was just 6 weeks old. Just So you know I decided to go ahead with the abortion because the baby’s dad physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. I have a restraining order against him ( which he breaches) and he got done for it in court a month ago. I work full time and support my own children. I work 40-50 hours a week and live a really good life. I’m 29, have my own house and everything I could want nearly and I’ve done it al by myself and I’m super proud of that. So small minded people such as @tiggertogger should really mind their own business unless you have actual advice or kindness to share digs and unkind remarks are so uncalled for when it’s to do with vulnerable situations.

But thank you to everyone else for you comments. It has helped. I actually feel good about my choice and I feel it was the right one for myself and my two kiddos. It also means that we have no long term/forever attachments to a really horrible person. Hopefully my time will come again one day. When it’s right and In a loving situation x

I think you've made the right call, OP. Imagine this child having an abuser as their dad and you being tied to this person for the rest of your life. Not just the first 18 years but also weddings and birthday parties etc.

If you do want a third, using a sperm donor is always an option if you find yourself unable/not interested in finding a partner.

Good luck, OP.

OP this must be so stressful.

I think the stress of sharing a child with an abuser would detrimentally affect you and your existing children. They deserve to be considered in your decision.

Good luck

@tiggertogger

What makes you think I give a crap what YOU think?

@Unsurewhattodo79. A controlling & abusive man has no right to know what a woman is choosing to do with HER body.

@holly790. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone 💐. Especially given your age (so young - lucky thing!!) I think you've made the best decision possible under the circumstances. It sounds like you have good support IRL - let people be there for you x