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Pregnancy choices

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy

20 replies

rhixo · 28/02/2020 20:46

I have recent found out I’m pregnant, I’m only about 4 weeks, I told my boyfriend as soon as I found out.

We have argued none stop about what we are going to do.

He’s told me over and over again to just get rid of it. I’m so conflicted, whenever me and him don’t speak I kind of like the thought of bringing this little bundle of joy into the world. But then when we do speak I get confused and start leaning towards getting an abortion.
I feel so lost atm I only found out about 3 days ago.

I would like to add my partner has made it clear he would only stay with me and in my life if I got with of it, I feel very pressured because I do love him, I understand that men also have a choice within this kind of situation and I’m putting that into consideration.
I fear I will never be able to forgive myself if I get an abortion, but I also fear raising a baby alone.

Any advice would be amazing 😢

OP posts:
DinoMamasaurus · 28/02/2020 20:56

This is a decision that you need to make and it’s so hard but.

The reality is that if you have a termination which you don’t want and will regret to have for his sake then it will more likely than not bugger the relationship anyway.

On the other hand I

datasgingercatspot · 28/02/2020 21:00

You need to tell your boyfriend to leave for a few days or you leave because he is bullying you and you need space to think of what you want to do without him around. He is coercing you and if he continues to blackmail you with 'I'll only stay with you if you do what I want' he is not worth having. Men who do this are fucking low lives. Bullying someone into having a medical procedure they don't want on their bodies is disgusting.

DinoMamasaurus · 28/02/2020 21:01

Sorry posted by mistake

On the other hand I know of many cases where the guy wanted a termination but then went on to be a loving father. I think for the guy it is much easier to say just have a termination - they don’t see/feel it as a baby in the same way you do. Also they probably have not given much thought to the physical emotional side of what you would be going through.

It’s a big decision (whichever way you choose) but you will be alright. Take some time, there is no need to rush and think about all the possible ways forward including having to go it alone and how you feel about them.

There’s head and heart at play in deciding this and I think you should probably give a bit more weight to what your heart says as in most cases the practical stuff can be overcome.

nancyjuice7 · 28/02/2020 21:17

He is scared and feels completely out of control. He knows he has no physical way of changing the situation like you do, so he is giving you the ultimatum to try and regain control. People say horrible things when they're scared.

You have to accept if you continue the pregnancy you will be doing it alone.

If you have a termination that should be on your terms and because you don't want to raise a baby alone. Not because he is telling you too.

This is awful for both of you and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Can you afford a baby? How old are you? What's your housing/job situation? What's your support network like? And most importantly, do you want a raise a child alone?

If you do then keep the pregnancy and get as much support as you can from family.

If you don't then have a termination. It's not an easy choice to make.

Hugs Thanks

PixieDustt · 28/02/2020 21:21

I would like to add my partner has made it clear he would only stay with me and in my life if I got with of it, I feel very pressured because I do love him

You don't need a man that is going to be this unsupportive about a situation. He's threatened you to get rid of a baby to keep him.
By the sounds of it you don't want to get rid of your baby. So don't.
You'll be okay as a single mother, don't let it fear you.
Don't put YOUR body through something you don't want to for the sake of your partner.

I'm sorry if this seems very black and white but I hate this male behaviour like they are some what superior. You didn't put the baby there yourself, it's takes two.

Original poster
rhixo · 28/02/2020 22:20

Thank you everyone for the advice on this!
I have been so lost recently.

I would like to add I am 19 , my financial situation is pretty good for my age and I have so much support from my family and friends.

It's just my now ex partner essentially forcing me to getting an abortion. The things he says really stick in my head and all I can wonder is "why doesn't he want his baby"

OP posts:
PixieDustt · 28/02/2020 22:47

Remember it's your body your choice.
Not his. Thanks

Original poster
rhixo · 29/02/2020 10:37

I'm just going to add he has just said he is going to drag me down to the abortion clinic to get rid of it.

OP posts:
BadCatDirtyCat · 29/02/2020 11:00

Jesus, he sounds horrific. I'm very glad to hear you refer to him as an ex.

Of course it is your choice entirely... if you are still undecided (even after discounting his influence) then I would recommend contacting Marie Stopes or BPAS to see if you can access their counseling service. They won't try to push you into anything (and they won't let him come to the appointment as they need to know that it is your decision). Good luck!

CalleighDoodle · 29/02/2020 11:06

The reality is the relationship is over now anyway. Whatever happens that’s it.

You need to decide whether you want to continue the pregnancy, which will mean having to raise a child with a man who is clearly a nasty bully, which will bring endless problems for years and years, or you choose to end the pregnancy and move on from him.

datasgingercatspot · 29/02/2020 13:20

I'm just going to add he has just said he is going to drag me down to the abortion clinic to get rid of it.

Please get AWAY from this twat! Do you have somewhere you can go? He has moved on to physically threatening you because he's not getting his way. Where are you? He's unsafe.

timetest · 29/02/2020 14:26

Even if you have an abortion you absolutely should not stay with this man. For him to threaten and bully his pregnant girlfriend is disgusting.
Take him out of the picture and decide what is best for you. Can you afford to feed, clothe and house both you and the baby? How will the pregnancy impact on your career or education? Do you have a support system in place?
Being a young single parent is rewarding in itself but don’t underestimate how hard and lonely it can also be.

Original poster
rhixo · 29/02/2020 18:30

I'm safe and with family, I don't think he would harm me physically.

I have a question though, if I was to go full term with the baby do I need to put him on the birth certificate? And does he need to be notified of the birth?

If I do have this baby I really don't want him coming any where near us, I don't want him knowing.
I know that sounds very awful of me but he doesn't even want it anyways and I don't think I could live with knowing I had an abortion.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 29/02/2020 19:04

No. Do not put him on the birth certificate. Do not give the baby his surname either.

This is terrible advice, but id be tempted to tell him you've had some spotting so are going to see your doctor. Then block.

Original poster
rhixo · 29/02/2020 19:10

Does this go for in the UK too? So he could think I've gotten rid of it?
This is all very new to me so I'm trying to get all the information I can

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 29/02/2020 19:15

You actually can’t put his name on the bc if youre not married anyway. He has to he there (or in the forces) for that to happen.

timetest · 29/02/2020 19:35

Unless he accompanies you to the registrar, his name will not be on the birth certificate. He is legally obliged to pay maintenance for his child whether he sees the baby or not.

IfYoureNotIntoYoga · 29/02/2020 19:49

I'd think very hard about having this baby, In terms of do you really want to be connected to such a horrible person for the rest of your life.

You are young and in time will meet someone who isn't such a bully.
You've got your whole life ahead of you!

timetest · 29/02/2020 20:19

In answer to your question do you need to inform him of the birth, there is no legal requirement to my knowledge. Were you to claim child maintenance, they would do it on your behalf.

Moonlight150985 · 16/03/2020 22:17

Hey sorry to jump in but when I was pregnant with my daughter 15 years ago! My partner and his family were pressuring me into getting an abortion. He also said he’d leave me and I couldn’t do it alone we fought every day got to the point where I decided that if he couldn’t support me then I didn’t need him. I left him and ended up going into labour 7 weeks early at 33weeks. To cut a long story short. We got back together when my daughter was 6 months old and he’s been in our life since. So basically what I’m saying is if he loves you then he will support you both. I was 19 he was 20 when we had our daughter. Hope this helps x

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