Unhappy about pregnancy

[pringler]

NC for this. I'll keep it brief. I'm 13 weeks pregnant, got pregnant whilst religiously taking contraception, found out about 9 weeks. Felt immediately gutted about it, but my first thoughts were I seemed 'too far on' to be comfortable getting an abortion. Spent the last few weeks really trying to accept it and force myself to be ok about it. I have two young DC currently, just got back into full time work, recently split with DP and everything's just very difficult at the moment. Didn't want any more kids. Developed insomnia through the anxiety of it all. I'm becoming more and more depressed about the situation, likely because I'm just mentally suppressing it and trying my best to accept what I did not want. The worst part is I've now seen it on a scan so it's more real. Basically, what the fuck do I do? I'm terrified of potentially feeling beyond guilty if I do have an abortion at this stage - never mind the actual procedure itself. I'll likely be about 14.5 weeks by the time Id get one - but I'm also terrified of struggling with a newborn and getting PND again (since I'm already miserable about it I'm guessing it's going to be a given in my case). Has anybody been in a similar position? I already feel like a massive arse hole for being in this position and delaying really thinking about my options so please be gentle.

I had an abortion at 11weeks 5 days and I felt like crap for weeks after but I was young and knew it was the right thing to do. I am so grateful I did it now as I don't know what I would of done with a newborn when my mind wasn't stable back then.

I've just had my 1st child, he's 9 months old and he's a wild one. I could not of coped back then.

You have to do YOU. Always.

X

I think you need to speak to a councillor for some advice.

Only you know if it’s right for you, and your existing children.

Do not feel bad at all, it is your body, your life and your choice.

Do you have other support if you did decide to keep it? Could you cope financially? Would you be able to maintain a decent lifestyle for your DC? Would your mental health suffer if you kept it? Would your mental health suffer to a greater extent if you were to have a termination?

I really feel for you OP as it's not an easy situation to be in but it is completely your choice and you should not feel guilty at all if you do decide on a termination.

Yep, I went through lots of doubts of how we would manage etc. Managed fine no PND, like you I had it before. Coped better than others No.4. Wondered why I had ever doubted myself.

Thank you for the replies I appreciate it so so much. I've felt really alone in it all since the few I've told are happy about it and congratulated me.
What's mainly prolonged my decision making is that I could (just) afford it and I would have support, my family are amazing that way, so I could realistically do it. I just didn't want to. I don't want to share the time I have for my current DC's. I don't want to go back to square 1 when I feel I have such a good routine with them and I'm doing well at work. If I simply wouldn't be able to facilitate it it would be an easier decision to make.
I've booked a consultation for Friday to get a general feel for the place I'd potentially have the surgery - see if it strikes any sudden yes/no answers being in the situation itself.
I keep wishing the choice would be taken out of my hands and I feel so so awful for feeling that way

Hi @pringler how are you doing?

Hope you're feeling ok.

I just wanted to leave another comment to say that not wanting a baby is a perfectly valid reason for not continuing with your pregnancy - dont feel that you have to talk yourself into continuing just because you could technically afford it.

I hope that Friday goes ok for you and I also hope that you are able to have a counselling session to speak to someone who is neutral to your situation to help with any feelings of guilt you have x

Let us know how you get on tomorrow. I'll thinking of ya ❤️

Let us know how you get on.

I went to the consultation and it turns out I'm 15+4, so a week and half ahead of what I was originally told. She told me their scans are as accurate as they get because they of course need to be quite precise for a surgery. It stunned me and I know I couldn't go through with an abortion at this stage (I'd be 16+ weeks or so by the time it was arranged). I was surprised that it triggered relief for me, just to know that the choice was sort of made for me at this point. I do feel genuinely ok with simply knowing I have some direction now instead of my mind switching between yes/no/maybe. It's simply just a yes now. I'll cross the rest of the bridges when I come to them! Thank you for checking up. It means a lot to me while I've been a bit fragile. I'll manage to get my head around it somehow!

I'm glad that you feel at peace with your decision and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well, and that you're able to enjoy it

Good luck with everything, hopefully you'll be supported by your ex and your friends/family x