Complicated life Abort? IVF

[Tylomum]

Where do I start...

19 years with my ex, we had a DD 7 years ago, 2 rounds failed IVF after our DD, failed business and failed relationship since. Hes currently living in our house while I wait on him raising funds to buy the it. Im living in my mums spare room (im a 36 year old professional and realise how ridiculous that is).

When we split I had met someone else, but after my ex found out we stopped seeing each other for his sake. Overall its been 7 months since we split. The last couple of months I have been seeing my new partner again as we just get on and we make each other happy, but again to save my ex's feeling we have kept it quiet. At least until the house is sorted and we are both settled.

Heres the kicker, after being told by my Doctor (this blatantly) "do not do any more IVF, you will never be able to have more kids" (poor egg quality), now....im pregnant.

My new partner is all up for it, either way and im gobsmacked after years of learning to accept I will have no more kids.

Fact is, my partner lives 40 miles away, I cannot move house until my ex buys the house. and wouldnt move away with my DD anyway. My DD hasnt even met the new partner. But he has said he could move here, although logistics could be difficult.

So do i do what seems to be the sensible thing and abort and rethink it when my life is more stable, or crack on, things happen for a reason and im not getting any younger. Ex was going to fall out with me at some point anyway....it was inevitable?

If i do abort and this was a miracle, I may never ever have the chance to have another, how do I live with that?

Any help would be appreciated. Please dont judge, I never ever in my life imagined that it wouldnt have been anything but a single relationship, happy home and happy children, but its certainly not looking that way now.

Oh op, no judgement from me and I am by no means a pro lifer but in your shoes, if I were sure of wanting a second, I'd go ahead. Good luck and hope it all works out for you

This is a really tough situation, I'm sorry it has to be so complicated for you, OP.

I will say that personally I would keep it, everything happens for a reason. But I will also say that if you chose to terminate then it is completely understandable why you would make that call.

I hope you find peace with whichever option you choose to take x

It’s entirely your choice but I don’t see any reason not to have it if you want it. I’m a single parent and about 40% of kids live in single parent families.

Good luck op.

I think if I was in your shoes knowing that future conception was far from certain I would continue with this pregnancy. The men involved are immaterial really, do you want the baby? And will you be able to manage one way or another?

If you want another child and you're pregnant, under the (ivf) circumstances ehy on earth would you even consider a termination?

Your life is complicated already so why not just get on with it and organise it all at the same time?

I think, you need to put yourself first here. And stop trying to avoid upsetting your Ex. He won’t thank you one way or the other and if you have a termination that is handing just too much power to him.

In your shoes I would continue the pregnancy and rejoice. It's like a rebirth of yourself, isn’t it? Congratulations.

I cannot thank you guys enough. I'm desperately seeking validation and confidence and you've all helped.

Well your ex will have to buy you out no matter what you do, so no more trying to protect his feelings.

I would definitely continue with the pregnancy, especially because if you terminate, it may not happen again when you feel the time is right.

I think whatever you do you have to do so on the assumption that this pregnancy is a “one shot deal”. So if you do terminate then you do so fully accepting that your dd will be your only child.

No judgement from me! Ivf is bloody horrible and if by some miracle I’d fallen naturally (and I wanted another) then I’d keep the baby. Everything will work itself out in the end.

Good luck.

I think you should put your existing dd first not you. How would she react on top of a family break down and (presumably) living in cramped conditions with you? It's tough and I would lean to going ahead but this would factor in my decision

I'd keep the baby but go into it with rose tinted specs off and expect very little from either ex - if the 1st doesnt buy you out and the 2nd didn't move closer. Could you raise both kids alone, at your mums?

If yes, then go for it. If your exes come through even better.

Best of luck, a baby is good news even if circumstances are poor xx

Thank you everyone. I am with the dad of this one, but we're only months into the relationship, so I hadn't planned anything majorly longterm. He wants to but I've been trying to sort out my past life before moving on with the next....

As for my dd, shes an absolute star, who has constantly pestered me from about 3 years old why she doesnt have a little sister or brother, she will be absolutely over the moon, I just hope she will be able to understand that when shes with her dad her little sis/bro wont be. Shes a pretty intuitive girl, incredibly thoughtful but quite sensitive, so shes always my first thought before anyone else. Reason I didnt mention her too much as shes just been brilliant with our split, yeah shes had wobbles, but always come and talks to either of us about anything and we always try to give her the truth.