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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Pregnancy choices

Early pregnancy- father of baby wants abortion

23 replies

Ringo1994 · 27/01/2020 22:06

Hi guys,

I found out I was pregnant last week, and today I went for a scan. It turns out I am 7 weeks pregnant! Me and the father of the baby split up a few weeks ago after 3 years together but were still friends. When I told him i was pregnant his face dropped and he has been spending the last few days trying to convince me to have an abortion. I really dont want to have an abortion but I am really scared of doing this alone (although I have an amazing support network of family and friends that I know will help me if I need them).

Has this happened to anyone? Any advice?

Thank you so much in advance.

OP posts:
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winterbluues · 27/01/2020 22:14

No one can force you to have an abortion if you don't want to. It's your body, your choice. If you've got an amazing support network and feel like you can do this on your own financially then do what YOU want and continue with your pregnancy. Congratulations on your pregnancy and don't forget to put in CMS claim once baby is here.

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SparkleUK · 27/01/2020 22:16

Not been in your position but sending hugs.

No-one can tell you what to do with your own body. I'd not engage in talking to him if that's all he's got to say to you and focus on you and your support network. You don't need to be pressured into anything and it takes two people to make a baby

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whiteroseredrose · 27/01/2020 22:30

How old are you OP?

You may well end up doing this alone. Or the father may decide to get involved and be difficult to co parent with. You've chosen to split up but you could end up stuck with him forever as the father of your child.

I was in your shoes at 25 and opted for a termination as I didn't want to have to be in touch with my ex forever. I also have divorced parents (who actually got on very well) but I hated being split between them.

Things can go wrong in marriages after DC, I know. But this way you are a single parent from the beginning.

Unless this is likely to be your last chance at motherhood I'd terminate.

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nsav · 27/01/2020 22:34

Please don’t terminate if you don’t want to. I did at 17 and I regret it every single day due to my stupid ex boyfriend forcing me into an abortion. I ended up being suicidal and depressed afterwards. I’m 15 weeks pregnant now and have PTSD from the termination. Please PM me if you need to chat. Xx

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Jesskir89 · 27/01/2020 23:05

Don't do it you will regret it as its not what you want

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KellyHall · 27/01/2020 23:12

Don't do it IF you will regret it.

I had a termination when I was a teenager, I knew it was the right thing to do. I was renting my accommodation, studying and struggling with just growing up. I would have coped somehow and my family probably would have supported me but I knew that wasn't the life I wanted for any child I had. I have never regretted what I did. 20 years later, I have a lovely daughter and a stable life.

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Ohnoherewego62 · 27/01/2020 23:13

Your body!

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Dramaofallama · 27/01/2020 23:50

I was in the same position as you last year.
My ex kept trying to convince (pressure) me to have an abortion, I flat out refused.

Like you I was worried about raising a child on my own, the emotional, physical and financial cost it would have on me and the child but my family was also very supportive.

My DS is now 9 weeks old, I have no regrets what so ever! There are days when it is hard but hey ho, I chose to have him so I muddle on because what else can you do? I couldn't be without him.

My family are still very supportive and involved, which helps alot.

My ex decided that he wanted no involvement what so ever, all I can do is leave the door open, for ds sake if he decides to be involved but I can't say I miss or need him, probably because I went through the pregnancy alone from 6 weeks that I adjusted to the thought of single parenthood.

Whatever you decide, do what is best for you. It is your body and your choice.

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Butterymuffin · 27/01/2020 23:54

Keep your baby if that's what you want. Doing it alone will be hard but having a child will be so rewarding, a million times more than giving in to this guy's wish will be.

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Butterymuffin · 27/01/2020 23:54

Totally pro choice btw but it's your choice not his.

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Heartburn888 · 27/01/2020 23:56

Don’t do it unless you really want to terminate.

I did this once, I met a man and I fell pregnant and he convinced me a termination was the best thing and promised he would be there for me during etc. He wasn’t. He was cruel and unkind and turned his back on me when I was struggling mentally with it. I really wanted to keep it but as I was so confused I just went with what he said.

If you are no longer together I wouldn’t expect any emotional support from him. The process of a termination isn’t nice and to go through it alone is even worse. And I’m taking about the physical side.

Please think so hard about it and make sure You are sure that it’s the right thing for YOU. Not him. Because once you take that tablet there is no going back. Sadly I realised once it was too late.

Being a single mum isn’t the worst thing in the world and having a partner there with you doesn’t automatically mean they will be hands on. My partner does nappy changes if he can be arsed and at times I do think being a single mum would be easier and better for me.

First few weeks are hard but you will get into the swing of it and you’ll be surprised at how much support you will get from friends and family

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cakeandchampagne · 28/01/2020 00:11

Your body, your choice.

And you’ve said,
“I really dont want to have an abortion...”
and your family & friends will help you.
Flowers

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june2007 · 28/01/2020 00:18

I would say You are unwilling to have an abortion and you can do this with or without him. See what he says.

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Grandmi · 28/01/2020 00:24

Definitely keep the baby...if you have any doubts about abortion don’t do it!! My daughter had an unplanned baby a few weeks ago and is totally in love ( but exhausted)🤫As a family we have given her all the love and support that any potential daddy could give and more !! Good luck and take a deep breath 💐💕

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Grandmi · 28/01/2020 00:27

Dramfallamo...well done you and lovely advice for the op.Xx

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Ringo1994 · 28/01/2020 09:19

Hi guys,

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and advice I really appreciate it. You've really helped me.

I really believe I will regret it in the long run if I go through with the abortion! I spoke to the father of the baby yesterday, and said I wanted to keep it again, he said I'm trapping him (?) but he will be there for me if I need him, which is better than nothing I suppose.

@Dramaofallama a massive congratulations on your son, I hope everything is going well for you.

OP posts:
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Ringo1994 · 28/01/2020 09:22

@whiteroseredrose I am 25!

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Urkiddingright · 28/01/2020 10:33

This happened to a friend of mine a few years ago, she found out she was pregnant a few weeks after splitting with a long term partner. He said he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her or the baby and he wasn’t in the baby’s life at all until he was two. Prepare for this to happen. You also need to remember you will have a life long tie to this man, is that something you want? It’s up to you but you can’t just block him and move on, he’ll always be there whether you like it or not.

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whiteroseredrose · 28/01/2020 21:14

@Ringo1994 At 25 you still have plenty of time to find someone who loves and respects you and who will be a solid and supportive father and husband / father.

Don't underestimate how wonderful but tiring and all encompassing a baby can be. I adored motherhood but was very glad to hand DS over to my DH when he walked through the door from work. It has been great to share my worries with someone who loves our DC as much as I do.

Read through the single parent posts on MN. Read about the struggles so many have with their ex DPs who are the fathers of their DC and the upset it causes the children. Lots of these women thought their relationships were strong before they had DC. You'll be bringing a child into a relationship that has already failed. Is that what you really want for your future?

I have never regretted my termination. I knew that I didn't want to stay with my then DP. A few of us were in a similar position, at the tail end of Uni relationships that weren't right going forward. Three of my friends had terminations around the same time. Not one of us has regretted it. We have moved on and have our families in strong and stable relationships. No complications or battles with ex partners.

A termination is a very personal choice. It is a huge decision. But so is taking sole responsibility for new baby. Think hard before you decide.

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PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 21:26

Oh, they all say that trapping them line.

I would tell him very clearly that you will NOT have an abortion.

I would not count on him sticking around and would not give the baby his surname.

You split up for a good reason. Having a termination you don't want for a man is never a good idea. You do not want one, so don't have one.

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PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 21:31

And you know what? The future is promised to no one. All we have is now. So you never know if there will be a future with a husband and more babies or what have you.

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LouMumsnet · 28/01/2020 22:14

@Ringo1994, we're just bobbing on here to let you know that we've moved your thread over to the Pregnancy Choices topic.

Thanks to everyone who has offered advice on the thread already.

Flowers

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Afrigginggoat · 28/01/2020 22:23

If he wants an abortion he can have one when he's pregnant. Until then it's up to you.

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