Getting married abroad in 7 months time, just found out I’m pregnant

[Katie0609]

I’ve been planning my dream wedding in Sorrento for the past year and a half. I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years, very happy, stable jobs and a house. I’ve just turned 30. I came off the pill a few months ago because it was making me crazy. And we were using condoms meaning to make an appointment to get the coil fitted. We were always careful. However I took a test today as I hadn’t had my period and I’ve had 2 positive tests. I’ve been crying my eyes out I’m so upset. We are both not ready for a baby we wanted to wait another few years after the wedding. And I guess I’d be heavily pregnant for my wedding if I went ahead with the pregnancy 😔 all our guests have booked also. I know that makes me sound very selfish.
i don’t know what to do? I’m so upset I’m just in shock, it’s horrible timing. I feel so guilty not being happy when I know other women have problems conceiving and there’s me being upset I’m pregnant. I’m just not ready and especially with the wedding. Has anyone else been in my situation before?

If you don't want a baby now, you don't have to have a baby now. It doesn't make sense to "feel guilty" about not wanting a baby at this moment just because other women do want babies and have difficulties - your circumstances don't affect them at all.

Do what is right for you, now, at this time, whatever that might be. And don't feel guilty about whatever you decide, in any direction.

You don’t have to have this baby OP but please for the love of god don’t get an abortion because you’re embarrassed 🙈🙄 fwiw I’m currently 6 months into my pregnancy and although I’ve been poorly with it and probably wouldn’t have been up to going to Italy right now- many women are totally fine and do still go on holiday/travel.

I’m also not huge - as a first time mum you’re unlikely to balloon to the size of a house. You could easily go through with the wedding as planned and have a wonderful time, without looking like a beach ball in your pictures or anyone ‘thinking badly’ of you.

However if you just aren’t actually ready then that’s different.

When I got married, my husband and I had always planned to wait 6 or 7 years until trying for a baby. I got pregnant less than 3 months later while on the pill. I was beyond shocked and didn't know what to think.

As it turns out, this was the best accident/surprise of my life. Of course you're knocked for six, but as is often the case, the best things in life aren't planned.

Only you can decide what to do, but I don't see being pregnant when you get married as a big deal at all. That's just life! This is my opinion, of course, but I think you will look back on all this and laugh, especially when that baby is in your arms. As for being "ready", sometimes you just get ready, and given your situation, you're already in a very favourable position.

Just move your wedding forward fgs!

And you’re 30, how long are you going to wait? Just have the baby, get married earlier, it'll be fine.

Do what's right for you and your husband to be. But dont let the wedding day be the deciding factor. Dont base your choice around one day which can be moved forward or back. Your love for each other is what's important not the wedding day which is just one day. People might be disappointed if they have booked flights but those who matter wont mind, and those who mind dont matter. Noone is every ready for a baby. I thought I was but still wasnt fully. Your wedding day will be perfect whether its earlier or later. U might lose some deposits and have a bit of stress moving things but dont let that influence such a decision. What does your partner think? Good luck whatever u decide.

To abort a baby for just one day of a wedding? Very very unreasonable, stupid, even! And you are 30. How long do you want to wait?

I’m also not huge - as a first time mum you’re unlikely to balloon to the size of a house.

This wasn't true at all, alas for me! For my first and only pregnancy I was the size of a house, several other houses, a garage extension and a series of small outbuildings, all rolled into one.

But that's not the issue, here. If you do decide to continue with the pregnancy, your life will change immensely, and you could find a great deal of joy in that. Whether you fit into your wedding dress will be utterly immaterial to that joy. You might be house-esque, like I was, or you might be a willowy slip of a thing with half a football shoved up your jumper, as one of my sisters was when practically full-term, damn her eyes.

And if you find that you don't want to continue with this pregnancy, well, your dress size still won't be an issue, either.

Don't focus on small things like this. Decide what is most important for your life now, and make your choices based on that.

I think people have been very harsh @Katie0609.

You are understandably overwhelmed and shocked.

You do NOT have to go through with a pregnancy that you don't want to. It's your body, your choice.

I would discuss things with your fiancé and allow yourselves time to think rationally and decide what you want to do.

A pregnant bride is no big deal these days, or postpone the wedding a year.

Whatever you decide to do, it will be ok.

I've had a very recent termination very early on, and whilst it's been hard it's been the right thing for me to do. So if you have any questions about what's involved etc please feel free to pm me.

for you.

Also you are 30, you are still young. Ignore the "how much longer do you want to wait?" brigade! Your body, your circumstances, your choice.

Hello, I recently found out I was very unexpectedly pregnant and the timing's not quite right, we're 29 and just bought a doer-upper in October, and wanted to get married before having kids etc.

I completely sympathise with how upset and shocked you feel, I was exactly the same to be honest and could only see the negatives of the situation and not the potential positives. I also get the embarrassment about not being married yet etc, my sister just got married and is doing everything properly and I feel guilty that we have 'beat her' to this (they have been talking about starting a family ASAP after their wedding)

What upset me was feeling like it wasnt a choice, and also like the things I really enjoy have been sort of taken away from me (all my relationships with friends without kids, crazy nights out, spontaneity, crazy holidays - we literally just got back from mountaineering in China and were planning to go to Brazil next year )

I am now about two weeks on from finding out and still very mixed feelings. What has helped me has been:

• my partner is over the moon about it and comes from a family with lots of babies and where the norm is not to be married

• speaking out loud to people about it, especially people who are really really happy for you (my mum, sister, MIL, BIL and SIL). This makes it real and other people's excitement shows that it's something to be happy about

I can't give you any practical advice about your wedding, I think if it was me I'd either try to bring it forward or do it heavily pregnant, but I completely understand your state of mine and disappointment to some extent. I hope things improve soon and you get some clarity, whatever you decide to do

Also you are 30, you are still young. Ignore the "how much longer do you want to wait?" brigade! Your body, your circumstances, your choice.

This. 30 is nothing - you have plenty of time.

You don’t have to have a baby if you don’t want to. If you do want to the wedding stuff can be sorted.

Got carried away there with my story and realised you are thinking about your options here. I'm sorry. I have had a termination once too and believe utterly in your right to choose. Whatever you do you will make the right decision for you, so I think as Mammy says take some time just you and your fiance to think about what's right for you, and don't feel any guilt, shame or embarrassment, it's your body and your life

If you don't want to have a baby for a few years, then don't continue this pregnancy. Although the wedding may be a factor, it doesn't sound like you're at all ready for this now. My SIL got pregnant six-ish months earlier than they'd planned on, and she just couldn't handle it and had a termination. Consider your mental health and the impact on your life above all else - it has to be the right thing for you now, whatever that decision may be.

Oh gosh OP, it's horrible timing for sure. If you aren't ready, maybe you should consider a termination. You wouldn't be doing it just for the wedding day, sounds like you aren't ready in general.

I know my wedding day and honeymoon wouldn't have been the slightest bit enjoyable pregnant. I suppose I could have brought a vomit bucket down the aisle with me. I wasn't able to enjoy anything, the only ok times were lying on my side looking at the "x days to go" pregnancy app hoping the number would go down quicker. But everyone is different, you might feel fine.

Of course if you want to continue the pregnancy, that's fine, there's no need to be embarrassed. It's 2019, pregnant brides are a dime a dozen!