1 week post surgical termination - want to turn back time

[Jorelalala]

I had a surgical termination last week and as soon as I woke up I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life. I’m 41 and have 2 kids and always wanted a third although husband absolutely did not. Anyway by a total fluke I fell pregnant and I think I just got sucked in to my husbands fear of my age, potential problems with the health of the baby because of that, what if something happened during the birth and he was left with 3 kids, our house is too small we are in debt and can’t afford it etc etc this was the best thing. At the time I walked into hospital I thought he was right and I was too old etc etc but now I am so angry at myself as I was the one who didn’t stand up for the baby and I was the one who walked in there signed the consent forms and put those pills in my mouth. When I’m distracted I’m ok but I can’t look at anything related to pregnancy or babies without it flooding back. All I can remember now is this longing to be pregnant again and all I can think of is getting pregnant as soon as possible. My husband said we can think about it once I’m healed but he still has the same worries.

How quickly can you safely get pregnant after a surgical abortion. I’m 41 and am terrified I’ve lost my chance.

Please don’t be cruel you can’t say anything worse than I’ve said to myself xxx

It is cruel of him to say you can think about having another baby after making you believe it was right to terminate this pregnancy.

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, however you can't go back on it and maybe you need to have a ceremony for your baby to draw a line under it and start grieving? It will take time and I don't think you should rush into anything re getting pregnant again. You will be fill of hormones. Take each day as it comes and look after yourself.

I think he’s just saying that because he is devastated at my reaction to the whole thing. He’s been crying a lot too but because of how I’m coping. I’m crying because of what I’ve done xx

I think you need time to grieve and to let the pregnancy hormones subside. The reasons you agreed to a termination are still just as valid as they were before. Your DHs fears were valid and he should have a say (not an equal one) but his fears should also be taken into account when a decision is made. Childbirth over 40 is far more risky unfortunately. You agreed to this because it was the right thing to do and rushing into another pregnancy would not make the debt or the health issues go away. I think everyone who has a termination has regrets of some kind, even when they know it was the right thing to do. Time does ease this, but there is always a 'what if' element left.

If you do decide to try for another baby once your pregnancy hormones have subsided then do so with more thought and research beforehand. I'm not against later pregnancies my grandmother gave birth at 40 and 45 to 2 healthy girls.

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear how your feeling, I have been in a similar position!! Its the biggest mistake of my life! And if I could go back I would!! I'll be honest and say that over time it lifts some of the rawness but it doesnt take away the thinking, I think about it every day, and feel guilty alot.

I would let your hormones sort themselves out first, see how you go over the next wee while, and as the other poster mentioned you need to give yourself time to grieve.