Pregnant at 45

[beckymum]

Please no bad comments!
I have found myself pregnant at 45. And I'm Agonising about my choice. I have 5 kids , one with ASD & ADHD who is very demanding. Too much on my plate, finances are tight. But I have a loving husband and we have a stable home.
I've had losses before at 8 weeks. I'm now 6 weeks. I'm Too scared to have a scan. I don't know if I want to see a doomed pregnancy or a healthy one.
I'm booked in with Marie stopes next week but scared and unsure. They would expect me to have the tablet on the first visit and that feels like pressure.
I know I should have their counselling but wanted the advice from other mums who have been in this position. What did you do and how did you feel about it afterwards.
Thanks so much
B xx

Oh bless you. You will make the right decision for you, at the right time. You are right to "talk" it through here and to get your head in the right place first.

If you still do not feel ready next week then postpone the Marie Stopes appointment. Tell them that you are not ready and that you want to move it back a week. This is your body. Do not let anyone pressure you - you are the one who needs to recover and live with yourself afterwards. I am sure that research shows that women who terminate, whilst nurturing doubts and who feel pressurised are far more likely to struggle afterwards.

Thinking of you, whatever you decide.

If your not 100% I would not go to Marie stopes, you need to be 100%.

Thank you for your comments.
I think I will have an early scan . If it's not viable I could be worrying about nothing. If it is then I will find it really difficult to know what to do. My existing children should come first . I don't want to be a really old mum and die when they are still young (although I have a 12 month old so I'm not exactly past the baby stage anyway). Agh!

Hi OP, even if you go to the appointment you can postpone the treatment after the scan if you dont feel ready. I started crying at my appointment after the scan and the nurse asked if I wanted to come back at a later date instead. I didnt want to delay, so I had the tablets and aborted still, I was just sad about what I had to do.

Only you can decide whether you can cope and want to continue the pregnancy (assuming its viable). What does your dh think? FWIW I felt really sad on and off for a month or so after my abortion. It was a few months ago, I still have sad moments but overall I know I made the right decision, it was an unplanned pregnancy and I would have struggled to cope mentally and financially.

I had a scan today as I've had a lot of one sided pain. they found a 10mm gestational sac but couldn't really see a yolk sac so they have pushed back my dates, but I have a strong feeling it will be a non viable pregnancy as the new dates don't really fit with my first positive test . And I don't know what I feel!!

After some excruciating pain on Friday evening I have had two Beta-HCG tests at hospital which were very slow rising so it looks like that 80% miscarriage rate for my age is really true.
My husband is relieved and I am sad . We aren't really on the same page on this!
Going for another scan tomorrow.
B xx

Hi @beckymum I don't really know what to say. But didn't want to read and run. No matter what decision you would've made, or what you were considering, I totally understand why you're sad. And I hope you can move on with your DH's support.

Thank you @Dinosauraddict for your reply.
I am currently still in limbo not knowing if this is a viable pregnancy or not. I very much doubt it as my betas only rose by 10% in 48hrs . No bleeding yet though . I have another scan tomorrow so that should make the position more clear.
It all feels out of my hands at the moment.
Bxx

Good luck for the scan tomorrow, whichever way it goes.

Thank you....at my scan today there was a heartbeat! I'm quite surprised after my terrible HCGs but I have miscarried after seeing a heartbeat before so I'm staying quite reserved.
Bxx

@beckymum how do you feel about that?

Erm....I really don't know.

The sonographer wants me to go back to her next week , as im still measuring behind, its still questionable whether it's viable ....

I know I am avoiding thinking about what I want and just getting caught up in the "is it viable or isn't it " worry. After having had so many babies I'm on auto pilot to want it to be ok. But even if it is, in my heart of hearts I don't think having this baby, would be in its siblings interests. Although I know they would love him/her. It's so difficult.

Thank you for thinking of me!
Bx

Always here if you need to chat. Ascertaining viability before thinking about options seems sensible in this instance, at least then you know what your options actually are...

Thank you @Dinosauraddict
Well things have come to a natural end today as I have started bleeding.
I am sad and have had a little cry but I know it's probably the best thing for my existing children and I feel relieved it wasn't my decision. And yes I will be using more reliable contraception going forward !! it's been a really difficult time. Thank you so much for listening 💕
Bxx

Sorry @beckymum ! Do make sure you get yourself checked out and don't just assume re MC, we know a lot of people do get bleeding during pregnancy and it doesn't always spell the end. Hope you have the strength to get through this and move forward.

So sorry Becky!💙

Thank you both
While I was preparing myself for it , it was still a shock today and yes I have shed many tears .
I'll see how much bleeding I have , but if it's loads I don't think I'll need the scan.
Bx