Number two and terrified, regretting it no one to talk to

[Needscoffeeandwine]

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Pregnant with number two (first born about to start school) after only a couple of months of no contraception and I’m worried I’ve done the wrong thing. My husband always wanted more kids but I wasn’t sure, but I felt guilty about my first being an only child and not giving it a go for my husband.
Now i’m Pregnant, miserable, hating it already and feel like I’m not sure I want it. I can’t comprehend going back to the baby stage. I’m not really a baby person and by the time this one starts school i’ll be over 40.
It i’m 11 weeks and feel like it’s all too late and I have no choice any more.
And worries I will resent this baby if I have it.
There is no one I feel I can say this too as everyone assumes we are over the moon about it.

Congratulations!!!

My 1st started school around the time #2 came along.

I lived in denial for most of my pregnancy.

Was a very surreal pregnancy. Particularly the whole idea of going back to the baby stage. I worried about bonding and everything else.

I shouldn't have worried - 2nd time was far easier than #1. Was lovely. But yes I was older (same as you) so was more tired. That's ok tho. Baby slept a lot.

Do you know after all my fears.... it all worked out? I are a couple of years down the line now and all is good. Or as well as can be expected with a Y2 and nursery age child to take care of alongside my job !!!!

So sorry OP. Give yourself a chance to have a long think about what you want to do. I was pregnant and miserable (different situation obviously) and decided to terminate. It's a difficult decision and you have to decide what's best for you, not your husband! Unless he is going to be carrying the pregnancy and doing all the childcare.

In my experience Marie Stopes offered good, neutral counselling over the phone so you could make the decision about what's right for you. You're not too late to terminate, but will need to decide fairly soon.

I hope it works out well, whatever you decide

Thanks for your kind words. I just couldn’t believe I felt this way after it actually happened. I think I was in denial and didn’t actually believe I would get pregnant (I gave us a 6 month window of ‘trying’) as I didn’t want it hanging over me forever and felt I am on the older side.
I guess I also felt like my career was just getting back on track and was looking forward to having a little
‘Me’ time and finally some money for myself again when number 1 goes to school and we stop paying nursery fee’s!
I work four days a week and was considering a masters part time too until this happened. Now I know we won’t be able to afford it for another 4 years because of nursery fee’s, and we also need a bigger house as not enough bedrooms for two kids 5 years apart! I doubt they’ll want to share!
I don’t know I think I need to try and talk to my husband seriously about it. Every time I tell him i’m Scared/unhappy I think he just thinks i’m moaning because i’m First trimester /feel sick etc. I don’t think he takes it seriously.
Thank you though I will try Marie Stopes maybe.

Dont let him push you into something you dont want OP. It's fine not to want to continue a pregnancy, no decision is easy. I think being very honest with him may encourage him either to step up and really support you in pregnancy and with a baby, or may make him realise that terminating is a real option for you. Definitely phone Marie Stopes if you think it would help, they were very non judgemental with me and made sure it was me making the decision.

I hope your husband is supportive with whatever you decide but always remember it's your body, your life and your decision