Hi everyone,
I fell pregnant at the beginning of the year and although the situation wasn’t right I was so happy at first. I wasn’t in a stable relationship with my now ex and things just seemed to be getting worse and worse I found out he had been talking to other women when we hadn’t spoken for a few days after an argument. He was not interested in the fact I was pregnant and I had zero support from him. I then lost my job, I had no savings and a few debts and car I’m still paying off and everything just seemed to be going wrong at once, I wasn’t coping very well during the pregnancy my hormones where all over the place, was being sick all day and just slept or stayed in bed all day. I wanted the baby so much but I just couldn’t see a way to make it work at the time with no stability in my life at all not even the relationship so I made the decision at 11 weeks to have an abortion.
I think I’m finding moving on from it so hard as it wasn’t truly what I wanted to do but I felt given the circumstances I didn’t have any other option as I wouldn’t be able to cope or even keep a roof over my head and didn’t want a baby in a loveless relationship. At times I feel I’ve made the right decision but at other times I just feel broken and empty thinking how far along I would be now and how life would be now etc. I feel like everywhere I go or look there are pregnant woman, pregnancy announcements or hearing people I know are having a baby and it just really hurts. I even went to a bar last weekend with friends to try get myself out and about again and there was a pregnant woman next to us sipping on her orange juice and everyone touching her bump and I ended up crying the whole way home :( I know it sounds silly but I’ve never seen a pregnant woman on a night out before so I feel like something is constantly trying to tell me I made the wrong choice.
I so badly want to try and move on from this but I don’t know how! I just feel like something is missing in my life now and I feel really empty. I would love to have a family one day but I need to date to even get close to that but I have no desire to date anyone or do anything really so I just feel like I’m never going to get there.
When I go out with friends or do anything I come home alone and just cry thinking I should be pregnant right now.
I’ve been working on myself and clearing debts etc in my new job that I wouldn’t have got if still pregnant so that feels good as I know money worries were part of it.
But how can I stop feeling like this and move forward with my life?