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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Moving on with life after abortion

4 replies

tryingtofindpeace · 17/06/2019 21:48

Hi everyone,

I fell pregnant at the beginning of the year and although the situation wasn’t right I was so happy at first. I wasn’t in a stable relationship with my now ex and things just seemed to be getting worse and worse I found out he had been talking to other women when we hadn’t spoken for a few days after an argument. He was not interested in the fact I was pregnant and I had zero support from him. I then lost my job, I had no savings and a few debts and car I’m still paying off and everything just seemed to be going wrong at once, I wasn’t coping very well during the pregnancy my hormones where all over the place, was being sick all day and just slept or stayed in bed all day. I wanted the baby so much but I just couldn’t see a way to make it work at the time with no stability in my life at all not even the relationship so I made the decision at 11 weeks to have an abortion.

I think I’m finding moving on from it so hard as it wasn’t truly what I wanted to do but I felt given the circumstances I didn’t have any other option as I wouldn’t be able to cope or even keep a roof over my head and didn’t want a baby in a loveless relationship. At times I feel I’ve made the right decision but at other times I just feel broken and empty thinking how far along I would be now and how life would be now etc. I feel like everywhere I go or look there are pregnant woman, pregnancy announcements or hearing people I know are having a baby and it just really hurts. I even went to a bar last weekend with friends to try get myself out and about again and there was a pregnant woman next to us sipping on her orange juice and everyone touching her bump and I ended up crying the whole way home :( I know it sounds silly but I’ve never seen a pregnant woman on a night out before so I feel like something is constantly trying to tell me I made the wrong choice.

I so badly want to try and move on from this but I don’t know how! I just feel like something is missing in my life now and I feel really empty. I would love to have a family one day but I need to date to even get close to that but I have no desire to date anyone or do anything really so I just feel like I’m never going to get there.

When I go out with friends or do anything I come home alone and just cry thinking I should be pregnant right now.

I’ve been working on myself and clearing debts etc in my new job that I wouldn’t have got if still pregnant so that feels good as I know money worries were part of it.

But how can I stop feeling like this and move forward with my life?

OP posts:
Littlemermaid1 · 17/06/2019 22:32

Hi Trying, sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm due to have my termination later this week, for similar reasons to you. I find it really hard and heartbreaking too - if the circumstances were different then I would be so excited to have a baby!

The advice I've been given is to keep reminding yourself why you had to do it. In my case its because I know I couldn't cope with a pregnancy and baby by myself without a partner and very little other support. I've been trying to make peace with the situation by keep telling myself that.

There are times I cry a lot, I suppose that's part of the process and experience. Hopefully in time we will all feel better, I'm sure we wont forget but we will understand and feel at peace with what happened. Wishing you all the best Flowers congratulations on your new job and clearing debts. Hopefully the start of great things to come for you.

Emmapeeler · 18/06/2019 20:21

OP my heart goes out to you. To me, it sounds like you made the right decision. You are now taking control of your life, you are no longer with your (frankly awful sounding) ex and you are paying off your debts. One day you will be a good position, with a new partner and you will feel in control and that is important when becoming a parent. Having a child at any stage is all-consuming. Fwiw I think you made a really mature and brave decision. Flowers

littlelove19 · 19/06/2019 21:37

Sorry to hear you and going through similar @Littlemermaid1 Flowers I hope all goes well for you and you feel ok after.

Thank you @Emmapeeler your post actually made me feel better although I still struggle with the decision some days are better than others. I don’t think it will be something I’ll ever get over properly but just something I have to live with now I guess :(

sharonJJ25 · 24/10/2019 02:10

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