Tips for coping after abortion please?

[Littlemermaid1]

I'm due to terminate next week, medical ar 6 weeks. Unplanned pregnancy with new (now ex) boyfriend, contraception failure and I know I cant cope alone (already a single mum and working ft to provide).

I'm really worried about the following, really grateful for any tips or advice:

1. Is it normal to cry at appointment, struggle to take medication to terminate?
2. How to cope in days/weeks after when in my case I'm sure I'll feel grief and guilt (no judgement on those who dont)
3. How to cope when people announce pregnancies, babies are born around my due date etc?

I'm having counselling but any thoughts appreciated, I'm finding it all a bit frightening. Thanks

Hi, I’m so sorry you are going through this.💐

When I started feeling guilt and sadness over my abortion, I reminded myself why I had to make the choice to terminate. I wrote down my reasons and went back to it when I needed to.

I did cry a bit at my appointment and received care and compassion from the clinic advocates.

I chose surgical abortion as I wanted everything done and over the same day. I know I was told, if I chosen medical abortion, once I had taken the first pills then the abortion had begun. Once the pills are taken it was strongly advised to continue on as not finishing the pills could be harmful to your health and the health of the fetus.

I’m sending thoughts of support and peace to you..

Sorry you're going through this.
It's absolutely normal to cry so don't worry about that. I chose the surgical option because I wanted it done as soon as possible once I'd made my decision so can't comment on the physical side of the medical option. It will be hard but like pp said remind yourself of why you are doing this, focus on the future and know that you will get through it. Take up any support you're offered and be kind to yourself. It's ok to mark certain dates (I always ought a candle, take time to remember and indulge in some self care). Please don't punish yourself over this, no one chooses to be in this position.

*Light a candle

I had a termination last week.

At the actual appointment i felt fine, before i want i was feeling distressed but at the appointment they were so lovely and i was calm.
I got out though and started to panic and feel sick until i got home.
The last week i have been feeling a lot of grief and guilt. But i've been letting myself cry and luckily had an incredibly busy week at work. The most helpful thing my dad said to me was you can't regret something you did based on the situation at the time. Which is true.. Personally i currently feel regretful however i do know i did it for valid reasons.

I'm currently really struggling with the last part. A friend is due in 2 weeks so has lots of baby bump photos atm and another former school friend has just announced her 2nd pregnancy and i sobbed for ages.
I found talking to people so helpful, i have a good support network which is lucky and my work mentor also knows (she had guessed i was pregnant) and has been so helpful. I feel talking has helped me a lot.

I'm sorry you're going through this, its hard

Hi @Inferiorbeing sorry you're going through this too. I had my medical termination yesterday. I know it was the right decision, but I still feel sad and guilty. My body is starting to get back to normal and I'm wanting to be positive, plan fun things etc but I'm feeling pretty shaken and confused.

Your dad is so right and I will also remember that! I agree that seeing other people with babies etc is very hard. I am hoping that time will dull those feelings, I dont know.

Even though I know it was right to terminate, it was still a very hard thing to do.

There is another thread on here where women are sharing their positive experiences of abortion, that might help.

There is nothing wrong with not feeling joyous about a termination. Even if you know it is the right decision for you, it can still be difficult.

I found myself grieving for the situation I would have had to be in to make continuing with pregnancy a viable option for me. I already had three children and lived in a flat with not much money so I grieved for a completely different life. One where I lived in a massive house, could be an independently wealthy stay at home earth mother breastfeeding all the local children and baking all day. In other words, completely unrealistic.

I hope you feel better soon. Remember that this is also a shock for your body and you need to rest.

Want to talk about my positive abortion experience www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy_choices/3603566-Want-to-talk-about-my-positive-abortion-experience

@moofolk thanks, will definitely read that link. I think I'm quite similar in that I would have loved to have been able to keep the pregnancy had my circumstances been different. I also live in a flat and work full time to provide for my children, the dad was horrible about the pregnancy (no longer seeing him). Would be lovely to be in a big house and garden, supportive partner, comfortable financially. Maybe one day

Sorry to see other also feeling grief I just posted a post about this now. @Littlemermaid1

That’s so true about grieving for an unrealistic life to continue with the pregnancy @moofolk I feel like I’m also doing this imagining myself in a better financial situation with a loving supportive partner and how different things would have been.

@solodreams Yes that's exactly it. It's never just a single difference but a whole different life we can see, however unrealistic.
It being unrealistic helps to see the rationality of the decision. Helped me anyway.

Good luck and solidarity to all.