Have you ever regretted an abortion?

[arisfurwi]

I have 2 young girls already, and have fallen pregnant by an ex I'm no longer with due to his own problems. We were together at the time, but thought my periods were just erratic due to stress. He says we should get rid of it as we aren't in the right place. We wouldn't be getting back together, I suffered with PND. But every time I look into abortion I cry my eyes out. I can't decide what's right.

In answer to your question, I've had two abortions and no I've never regretted either of them. Both times I was in a "wrong place, wrong time" situation and abortion was the choice I made. Many years have gone by, I've had two children since then . And I still have no regrets at all. It just wasn't meant to be.

In your situation, you have two DDs and you're pregnant to a man you are not with any more. It's entirely your decision about what you do at this point. Think about your life situation and your future plans, and make a decision which makes you feel comfortable. Best wishes to you.

I sometimes wonder what could have been, but no, I have never regretted it. It was absolutely the right decision for me at the time, and it still is.

Take the time to really think what is right for you, and don't feel pressured in either direction

There are services (like Marie Stopes) that offer impartial advice, if you feel like this is something you want to discuss with someone in-the-know.

Yes briefly but pleased now

Just wanted to send

Often in these situations there is no easy option, just the least worst option. What he thinks about it completely irrelevant. What matters is what you want and what you can manage.

I know I couldn’t have another child right now, despite being married and stable - we have two children with additional needs who need all of my attention (more than I have actually). I believe having another child would have a very negative impact on their development so I would have to abort if our contraception failed. It would be excruciating but I would do it.

You need to think about your situation and whether you could manage alone.
Do you have the support of family and friends?
How old are your children?
How old are you?
Could you afford another child?
Could you afford childcare?
If you / your baby were hospitalised, who would look after the children?
Do you work, and what would your maternity pay look like?
Do you rely on tax credits etc, and would you be eligible for additional help for a third child?
What if it’s twins and / or the baby has health issues or disabilities?
Do you want another child?
Would you need to move, get a different car etc etc?

There are other things to consider obviously but these are the big and small things I personally would consider when making a decision.

There are of course those who regret an abortion, those who don’t, those who regret having a child and those who don’t... but none of them are you or in your shoes.

Focus on your existing children when deciding what to do. I know several women who have had terminations and none have regretted it because it was the best option given their circumstances. Were you using contraception?

I'm 25, we used a condom. I know a baby wouldn't be good in my situation especially as I'm alone. 3 kids would be so hard, I'm currently finding 2 alone hard so I know 3 would be chaos. Just hard to think about I guess and don't want to end up thinking I should have had it

I've had one and no, I've never regretted it. It wasn't the right time and would have seriously set me back. I would have resented keeping it.

Now, I feel prepared and am actually TTC. Even in the worst case scenario that we don't conceive now, I won't look back and think what if. I wouldn't have been a good mother. It would have caused harm to not only me, but that child if it was kept.

I am a strong believer in not bringing life into the world if you don't feel you can 100% love and support it. Unless you are putting up for adoption to a couple in place before birth.

Yes and no. I don't regret it because the baby would have tied me to an abusive ex forever. But I have had fertility problems and although I got pregnant with DS very soon into my relationship with DH, I haven't been able to have any more children and DS is a miracle - both me and DH had fertility issues. So I sometimes wonder if it's karma for the abortion, but rationally I know that can't be true. Overall I am happy that I just have DS, and that he had a happy stable childhood with his parents together and in love. I couldn't have offered that to the foetus I aborted.

It wasn't easy and I struggled with it for a while. I still wonder what life would be like if I had gone through with the pregnancy but I am at peace with it being the right decision.

You have two children to consider, how will a sibling in these circumstances impact them? The well being of them and yourself should be your focus while making this decision.

I've had one, wrong time, wrong partner, wrong circumstances, health issues (including PND) etc... basically every reason to terminate except my own emotions about it. I found the decision very hard and still get upset about it and mourn BUT I do not regret it. It was absolutely the right thing to do for me and my existing child and as tough as it was best decision, it would have been unfair and selfish to go ahead.

Thank you all it's been a massive help!

Yes I have and yes I do regret it, but if you are worried about regretting it, I think it depends on whether you are certain in yourself that it's the right thing to do. I was only 80% sure, and I really regret doing it now. There is nothing nice about abortion and of course you feel you are between a rock and a hard place, but the option is there if you need it (although strictly speaking, only if you have medical/metal health reasons for it). (Which I didn't!!)

I've had one, no regrets at all.