Would you terminate because of finances and PND

[2eternities]

Hi I'm late 20s been with my DC dad since I was 19 we are mid late 20s, we already have DD 5 and DS 3 and rely on tax credits due to my extremely poor mental state after becoming a mother first time round. DS was an accident since I can't use hormonal contraception and due to our ages sterilisation was refused so condoms it is which fail 2% of the time. I have struggled massively with motherhood and am devastated to find out I am pregnant again. I already had a medical abortion when DS was 6 months it was a physically horrible experience but mentally I was relieved as another baby would have destroyed me at That point.

I'm sorry if I come across aloof my phones very slow so trying to explain the situation as quick as possible.

My termination appointment is tomorrow and I feel utterly devastated that the main reason I feel I have to do it is because I cannot afford another child we struggle as it is and that's with generous financial help from my dad that I honestly couldnt live without. U also worry I will not cope as my mum says three pushed her over the edge and from my later childhood I agree. I have found motherhood horrific at times and have only just started looking and feeling like myself again when this happened. I adore my children though they are amazing but DD is very demanding stubborn and hard work at bed time and not sure I'd cope I don't do well with no sleep I have literal breakdowns. I suffered a lot of trauma in my later childhood and adolescence and have diagnosed ptsd and anxiety and depression.

No one except dp knows because I am utterly horrified at what my parents would think. Please help me as I'm so sad about this. I feel so selfish aborting my childrens sibling but we just couldn't afford it with tax credits being removed. We live in the NW shit area for job opportunities really, I worked in an underground industry from 18 till I has my children so cannot get references so looking at minimum wage work and that's if I can even afford it. Sorry this is so long I just need to get it out. I feel so sad at the though of another abortion but just don't feel I have a choice.

Can even get it *

Fair enough but you will have to have 2 abortions within 2 years - that’s a lot for even women without MH issues to deal with. Are you getting any counselling?

I would do it in a heart beat and I don’t have the same financial constraints.

Would your DP look at sterilisation again after this?

I'm very sorry you are having such a hard time, but I totally understand the decision you have made.

It's not just money driving your decision though is it? You also need to look after yourself and your DD and DS and difficult though it is, I think it is right to put the three of you first, both for your health and to give you a chance to build a stable future for you all.

You are obviously a very fertile couple though so you do need a better method of contraception to avoid this trauma in the future. Could you ask for a coil to be fitted? There are hormone free versions. Or at the very least condoms plus a diaphragm plus spermicide.

We were both refused after last termination due to age. Yes, I knew it's the right thing to do I mean it's not like anyone would starve but there would be less for me to spend on clothes toys soft play the odd day out etc which I like to do with my kids I'd also have even less money to take care of myself with which really stresses me out as before kids could afford all sorts now not so much.

Yes it's a lot but honestly I've taken a beating in my life this is just another one. I just wish finances were better and I'd go ahead but just can't justify it it will interfere with my plans to return to college this year and start sorting my life out as I am so behind due to my Mh problems. I have a car all paid for by my dad and three seats would be a squeeze even though there is a middle belt.

Thanks for reading and responding it means a lot to me.

Doriana yes we are, I am wanting to be sterilised because I am so sick of this happening, I have tried many types of pill, injection, implant they make me very mental and physical Ill, was told coil has hormones?

Thanks for replying, I am also trying to seek a diagnosis of high functioning aspergers and just don't think it's right to have another child in this situation.

I haven't had counselling no i don't know who to ask😢 i feel so guilty seeing the amazing little people my two are becoming but I feel pregnancy birth and them early years will finish me off I found it so bloody hard and mind bending. My mental health was Horrific until DS was about 2.5. I'm still not 100% motherhood has been so difficult for me and DP is extremely hands on and does night wakings now as I just can't handle it.

Of course you’re not unreasonable! I don’t agree with Teddybear’s comment either - if having another baby would largely make your MH issues worse then the abortion is not going to be worse than that. I’ve had one and also have MH issues - it didn’t traumatise me at all. I’d have another one in an instant if I accidentally became pregnant again. It sounds like you know it’s the best thing for you OP, and that’s nothing to feel guilty about. Your well-being matters and you have every right to make that choice. Abortion is healthcare

Thanks dodge ball means a lot to me. I know that its for the best but I feel a failure that I'm not stronger and in a better position to raise another child. Whilst I don't regret the other I do very occasionally feel sad about it. Not for a long time after it though. X

A big factor in my poor mental health was the physical damage which was minor compared to some women but really hit me hard I wasn't expecting to feel so utterly shite and stretched out for such a long time, it's took me twice as long to recover physically from DS than first time round with DD God only knows what would happen after another, 'Me' would probably never resurface again.

Your support means the world to me as I've literally no one to talk to, dp is upset but says he supports me regardless. He has less standards of what is a decent way of living due to his own upbringing where he had many siblings and they were poor.

Whatever happens with this pregnancy, if no one will sterilise you, you need a copper coil. As you've found, the failure rate of condoms is not insignificant. No hormones and will stop having to make such agonising decisions.

I had no Idea there were non hormonal options other than condoms,I will definitely try it Thanks. X

Hey OP,
Please don't feel guilty about making a decision that you feel is best for yourself and your family. You don't have anything to feel bad about and it sounds like you have really thought this through. I've also had a termination in the past because my then situation was just awful, but since I have gone on to have more children when things were much better. Good luck for today, I am thinking o you and giving you a handhold

Thanks, setting off soon, so worried about it all. Just devastated it's happened again 😥

Try not to worry, I know it's hard not to! They will take good care of you. I hope all goes smoothly for you x