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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Advice on abortion

23 replies

Rees13 · 31/05/2019 21:46

Hi everyone, so this is probably going to get a bit personal but I’m just after a bit of advice from people who have possibly been in a similar situation.
I am 22 years old and currently six weeks pregnant. Next week, I have an appointment at a clinic to discuss abortion. I will then be 7 weeks pregnant.
In all honesty I’m not sure if it’s something I want to go through with.
I believe the appointment itself is just for a scan and a chat with a professional which I could really do with.

I’m still with my partner but so far he has just proven to be unsupportive.
When we found out I was pregnant, he was unbothered, told me not to worry as we would just abort it.
It’s been made pretty clear that if I continue with my pregnancy, I will be a single mother.

I have told my sister and she is completely supportive and if I choose to keep the baby I have the option to live with her. She is my absolute rock, she has told me that I won’t be on my own and she will support me and the baby in anyway she can.

I’m not really sure what my question is, but maybe just a bit of advice from anybody who has been in a similar situation.
I’m a bit anxious about the appointment next week and I would be grateful if anyone can shed some light on what I might experience.
I am completely overwhelmed with the whole situation.

Thanks

OP posts:

anonforthespies43267 · 31/05/2019 21:51

I was in a reverse situation when younger so apologies if this doesn’t help. Fell pregnant with a bf, realised at that point ‘shit I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with this man’, thought about how becoming a young, single parent could affect my career prospects, life, future relationships, financial situation and decided my future would be better without a baby at that time.

I then waiting 13 years to try and start a family with my now DH when the time was right for us. I’ve never regretted my decision.

anonforthespies43267 · 31/05/2019 21:53

Sorry forgot to add, it was reverse as my bf at the time wanted to keep the baby when I didn’t.

Original poster

Rees13 · 31/05/2019 22:02

I’m glad things worked out for you. I’ve also thought about my future and how having a baby now would impact massively on this.
It’s really reassuring to hear that you have no regrets. I spoke to a doctor and he told me that I would have regrets no matter what I decide.
Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

BurpingFrog · 31/05/2019 22:35

I'm sorry that your partner has reacted the way he has. I find that type of behaviour sickening. He has no right to put pressure on you like that; but honestly, his reaction shows that he is somebody you would be better off without whether or not you keep the baby.

I am glad you have such a supportive sister. I am a single mother with a very supportive family, and thanks to them I honestly feel I have it easier than quite a lot of my friends who have partners!

This is a decision for you alone. You don't need to keep the baby because you feel you owe it to your sister after the offer she has made (I am sure she would hate for you to feel that way), and nor do you need to have an abortion because your partner wants you to.

For what it's worth, in your situation I chose to keep the baby and I am very glad I did. I am a few years older than you, though.

I don't think you will necessarily regret whichever decision you make at all! Whichever you choose, be kind to yourself about it and always remember that you did what you felt was the right thing at the time.

BurpingFrog · 31/05/2019 22:37

Sorry, reading back I don't mean to make things more difficult for you by coming down so harshly on your partner.

What I said about him was just my opinion, probably influenced by my own experience.

Purplequalitystreet · 31/05/2019 22:40

Try to forget about your partner for a moment. What about you? Can you see yourself with a baby? Is it only the fact that you could be a single parent that is leading you to consider a termination, or are there other reasons?

Breathlessness · 31/05/2019 22:58

Think about what’s right for you. A year from now you might not be with your partner whatever choice you make. You’re the one who needs to be at peace with your decision. If you have a strong gut feeling about this either way then I’d take that as your starting point. If you don’t, try writing out the pros and cons of each option; how they would impact your life. It can help you to sort through your thoughts and feelings.

kgeal3 · 01/06/2019 08:59

Personally i think if you have doubts as you say then I think you may regret not having this baby.
The good in this is that you say you are 6 weeks along so you do have a few weeks to really think about this before doing anything.

As a previous poster has said, take your bf out of the equation and think about what you want. Being a single parent really isn't all bad and tbh a lot of men do come around once the baby is born.

I know I'm an ideal world pregnancy is planned and everyone is happy about it etc but life isn't always like that.

I hope whatever decision you make it's the right one for you xxx

sophieroberts91 · 01/06/2019 15:31

I was in a very similar situation at your age. I went through with it. It wasn't easy, but I got through it. Honestly, it was the best decision I could have made.

Years later I'm in a very stable forever (hopefully) relationship and trying for a baby. Aside from a bit of guilt when we first started trying i still feel very positive about my decision.

Whatever you do will be best for you and never EVER let people tell you it's the wrong choice. It's your body and your life.

Hope you're ok! X

Omzlas · 01/06/2019 15:47

Firstly, your BF is a dick. "Oh it's ok, you can go through a medical procedure and it'll all blow over"

Try to picture YOU, do YOU want a baby, in the here and now? Is your support network enough to get you through? (That's a difficult one to answer, I appreciate that)

Whatever you decide, and this is just my opinion, I'd bin off that selfish bastard

Ginger1982 · 01/06/2019 15:51

You need to do what is right for you and whilst plenty women make amazing single mums, I found that having a baby even with my incredibly supportive DH has been an emotional rollercoaster. I doubt I'd want to be tied to your shit of a BF for the next 18 years, or be chasing him for money and to have contact. I would have the termination.

But it has to be your decision.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/06/2019 19:30

I think this post needs to be moved to the pregnancy choices board......

sl07 · 01/06/2019 19:33

Sorry.. but how awful of your partner to say "You will be a single parent". Sorry to sound straight but get rid of him and move on with someone supportive. If you do keep the baby, tell him to man up and be a dad.

But honestly I wouldn't have a baby with a man who's attitude is like that. But whatever you do, good luck x

Hecateh · 01/06/2019 19:48

I spoke to a doctor and he told me that I would have regrets no matter what I decide.

Wise doctor - although I wouldn't necessarily say 'regrets'. There will always be 'what ifs' and I guess at least momentary regrets at different times.

There really are no rights and wrongs, there are only best decisions in the moment for you.

Toss a coin, assign a decision to each side. If the right one comes up you will know - if you start thinking 'best of 3' you will also know.

Hecateh · 01/06/2019 19:50

Oh - and I agree, whatever your choice - get rid of the useless piece of flesh on the end of the penis and I don't mean his foreskin - I mean the other end

Mitzicoco · 01/06/2019 20:42

I feel for you, I really do. I had a slightly similar situation when I was a bit younger than you. I had termination and lots of lovely people on here have told me that I shouldn't feel bad about it. I think one of the reasons I feel bad about it was because I was rushed into a decision. You have a few weeks, which is good. Try and think of this situation from all aspects and try and get as much counselling as you can before you make a decision. Big hugs to you.

Mitzicoco · 01/06/2019 20:45

Sorry, realise that came across as a bit negative which wasn't my intent. All situations are different but I would really advise getting some professional advice before you make a decision (which I didn't)

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 02/06/2019 18:04

Hi OP

We're just going to move your thread over to our pregnancy choices topic.

Original poster

Rees13 · 13/06/2019 16:19

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied. I read all of your messages and took them all into consideration.
I tried to picture myself a year from now and what I wanted. I ultimately decided that these really weren’t the right circumstances to bring a baby into.
I went ahead with the termination and feel that in the end it was the right choice for me.

OP posts:

Emmapeeler · 13/06/2019 20:12

Hi OP. Glad you have made a decision and I hope you can now move on from it positively. I went through the same thing at age 22, with an equally useless then-partner. It was absolutely the right decision for me. I wouldn’t have my DH and two lovely kids now if it hadn’t been for that decision. It wasn’t the right time and it definitely wasn’t the right partner. Despite exploring all options to keep the baby, which was my initial instinct, I knew that in my heart that it was not the right decision to keep it and that it wasn’t what I wanted for my life at that time.

MaximusHeadroom · 13/06/2019 20:19

Hey OP,

Hope you are feeling OK.

I was in a similar situation and made the same decision as you. 15 years later and I am still with my boyfriend from back then and we have 3 beautiful children.

It was hard at the time but I have never felt for a moment that I made the wrong decision.

Look after yourself. And FWIW I think you deserve better than your BF.

MaryPopppins · 13/06/2019 20:23

Just read your update OP.

You've made the right decision.

I did the same in my early 20s and although I regret that I got myself into that situation, I don't regret the decision I made.

If I hadn't have made that decision I wouldn't have ended up with the wonderful marriage and perfect family I have now.

I'm sure I'd have coped and been an OK mother back then. But if anything I think having the abortion really meant once I was having a baby I planned for I really put my all into it.

It doesn't mean I don't feel awkward if an abortion conversation comes up. I do. I think society enforced a sort of shame around it.

But I do not regret my decision. And you shouldn't either. Xxx

I wish you all the best. Enjoy your youth. X

Bluerussian · 13/06/2019 20:47

I'm glad it's all over, Rees. Now you can move forward with confidence. I had one when I was 21 and have never regretted it even though it isn't a pleasant thing to do. I made sure not to become pregnant again before I was ready.

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