I am not coping with my decision

[fatisnotafeeling]

I had a medical abortion at 9 weeks just over a week ago.
I regret it immensely, I wish I could go back and make a different decision but I cannot i just don't know how to move on from this.

I am married and have 3 DC, we struggled to have DC2&3 and I had 6 miscarriages before we had them, it took us a 6 years to fall with DC 2 and then DC3 came quickly after her.
I never ever expected to fall with an unwanted pregnancy and I always said I would never have an abortion. Oh how things change.
Although I didn't really want another baby I would have if I had had the support but DH was adamant that he wouldn't cope and that the DC we have would be negatively affected. I have essentially sacrificed my own mental health/ well being for everyone else.

I am struggling to function, i just want to lay in bed and sleep although I have been having awful nightmares so even sleep doesn't provide relief. I hate myself for what I've done and wish with all my heart I could turn back the clock.

I am looking for support mostly and hoping someone can tell me it gets better because I need to know it does.

Hi OP,
Firstly I am so truly sorry that you are going through these emotions. I made a post yesterday I think it was, it's been 5 years since my termination and it still really hurts but I do think that's because I didn't get help (counselling, medication, support from family). So what I'm trying to say is please get whatever help is out there to help you overcome this really tough time. I wish I had reached out but back then my family made me feel like I couldn't talk about it. I do believe if I had got help after mine I wouldn't have collapsed mentally like this.
It does get easier though, you will learn to live with your decision. There will come a time when you don't think of it everyday, and then when you do it won't hurt like it used to. Keeping busy is what keeps me distracted and keeps me going. I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone. Please get some support and talk about it as much as you want to, it helps to get it all out. I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts