I'm frightened

[Stressedmummyof4]

I'm posting I think to vent and get some reassurance. I can't talk to anyone apart from my partner and we've butted heads today.

I found out yesterday I'm pregnant, I have the kids and lost a baby in between dc1 and dc2.

I have no idea really how far I am as the last proper period I can remember was February but my periods have come and gone since dc3 cane some months I've went without for a few months.

My only reason for testing was I feel emotional, sore boobs and twinges in my back, that I got with my other three.

Partner has made it clear that he doesn't want the baby and that he thinks that it really is not a good move for our family. One of our children is asd with behavioural problems and can be extremely full on. I am unable to work because of this. We are by no means rolling in money but we are what I would say comfortable have family holidays a few times per year and kids don't go without.

His reasons are that he doesn't think we can afford it. The house is too small (3bed) my dcs issues, how I am going to cope and that because I had a fought time after having dc3 and ended up back in hospital.

Our youngest dc is 8 just now, he is 51 he said that we were getting to a point where we would start getting some us time again and that bringing a baby into it all again was going to set us back years. Also how would I cope with a newborn and our dd when they kick off with a meltdown or having to collect from school

I can fully see all his reasons and some I agree with but I am really struggling with considering a termination. I don't know if I could come back mentally from this.

I've messaged him this morning to say I know it's not what he wants but I can't do it and that I fully prepared for him to move on basically. We've ended up exchanging texts and now he won't answer the phone. I'm gutted. He has said himself that he feels we are over because he doesn't agree with keeping the baby and he knows that if I have a termination there's no way he thinks we'll get past it either

I'm a mess my head is all over the place

Oh dear, what a mess.

FWIW, I think you are doing the right thing in deciding about termination in the way you did. The laws are framed entirely in terms of the wellbeing of the woman, not want her DH/DP thinks.

If you know you could not live with yourself afterwards, it is not the course of action for you. It might be right for other people, but it doesn't sound right for you based on how you posted.

I hope that he starts communicating with you properly soon. Yes, the shock might have thrown him off beam, but that should be only a very short passing reaction. As it's only been a day since you find out, there is still a chance that he'll still processing his thoughts.

I suggest you keep big convos off texts (too brief, too open to misinterpretation) but that you can start to talk this evening.