I am so scared. I think I need to terminate

[patphelan]

I'm in a bit of a state tonight so I apologise in advance if this is rambling. I have miscarried 3 times in the past year. Dp and I agreed to wait before trying again but we weren't careful enough and I am currently 7 weeks pregnant.

Dp has said absolutely nothing since I told him. He fully expects me to miscarriage again and to be honest I think that's what he is hoping for. I have wondered for a while if he had changed his mind about us and due to how things have been recently I think my gut is right.

I have been booked in for a scan on Friday and when I told him he just glared at me, went really quiet for a bit then changed the subject.

I'm so nervous about this scan and I have nobody to talk to. I don't know if I even want to have the scan if I need to terminate, I couldnt cope with seeing the baby if there is a baby. Due to my history I might be panicking over nothing but I've taken 21 tests so far and they are all positive.

I don't know what to do. Doing this on my own isn't an option, I wish it was.

Why is he being so cruel and unsupportive?

What was he like when you miscarried before?

Why would he want children one minute and not the next?

I think you need to have a proper chat with him about the situation and what the future holds for you both especially if you are having a child together.

If the miscarriages were all different reasons and dates then this time you might not have one.

I’m against abortion so can’t advise you on that matter but the most important thing right now is to sort your relationship out.

To be fair to your DP perhaps he doesn't want to make too much fuss in case you both get your hopes up? My DH is the same - I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after several miscarriages and a near fatal ectopic and my DH just nodded when I said I was pregnant again. I know it not because he doesn't care or because he's changed his mind but because we re born so terrified of engaging with this pregnancy in case it ends the same way. It's more difficult for men sometimes to express the way they feel about pregnancy loss and often they are more worried about upsetting us then they are of overt shows of excitement x

I have been where you are. 3 consecutive mcs (after having had another 3 in the past), pregnant again, admittedly a much more supportive dh than yours sounds, but terrified - convinced practically from the off that I had made a terrible mistake in allowing this to happen - and seriously considered termination in the first trimester. Recurrent mc messes with your mind and emotions. It's horrible.

I felt this way right until I went in for induction of a 10d overdue baby and as soon as she was here it reversed entirely - which unfortunately led to some very nasty PN anxiety, but she is 3.5 now and I am incredibly glad to have her.

I don't know what to advise about your dp, but don't make any decisions because of his response alone. Either this is his fear coming out or something else is going on. Perhaps you could both see a counsellor together. But his response cannot be the reason you make decisions on this.

If are super worried, as is totally understandable given the rollercoaster you’ve been on for the last year, imagine how your DP might also be feeling - perhaps terrified to get excited only for it to be dashed again, worried that the Dr said to wait but Mother Nature has got in the way of that, perhaps worried how another loss will affect you - the woman he loves so much and wants to protect from pain (both physical and emotional) and nervous about what the coming weeks might bring.

You should get a GP appointment ASAP after the bank holiday so you can discuss this with your GP to get support in place, perhaps get a referral to the local EPU for support over the coming weeks whatever happens, or even for GPto discuss with recurrent miscarriage clinic about things the GP can prescribe to support your body through these early stages of pregnancy. At what point were your previous losses and have you been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic?

The private scan may give you some reassurance as, once you get towards 8 weeks and see a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage is much reduced (though not totally eliminated, especially if you’ve experienced loss after that point in previous pregnancies)

Good luck for the com8ng weeks and I hope this time is different and that your DP is more supportive than he seems to be at the moment xx

He has met someone else. I am devastated. Thank you for the advice but it turns out he wasn't thinking of me and how it would effect me, he's just changed his mind and didn't have it in him to tell me.

Oh my goodness your poor thing.
Please do not terminate the pregnancy if it is healthy, if you have lost three previously you may never get the chance again and regret the termination forever.
He is so cruel seeing another woman knowing what you are going through and trying for a baby. He may not have wanted to try again but if so...he should have been more careful,
I think you need some emotional support and to see your gp asap but please think very carefully before you do anything

I’m so sorry.

As the above poster said, I hope you are able but to continue with your pregnancy.

I can't believe he has messed with my head to this extent. It's one of the most hurtful things you could do to someone. I feel so stupid, I can never trust my own judgement again I really believed him. I have 2 dc and I can't go through this on my own again. I'm heartbroken but I think this is for the best.

How are you OP? X

I'm okay thank you for your reply. I took the first tablet yesterday, I have started to bleed and passed a lot. I'm in a bit of pain tonight. I haven't taken the 4 other tablets yet, they said to still wait until tomorrow. I'm all over the place emotionally, trying to appear normal to the dc.

Thinking of you.