Please can someone help me make sense of this. I am 30 with a ten year old and 11 month old (I am with the father of my youngest). Just (few days ago) found out I am pregnant again despite being on the pill. No idea how far along.
I always thought I’d never ever terminate a pregnancy and horrible as it is, I have judged those who have told me they have had terminations (judged inside I would never make someone else feel bad). I don’t want to terminate. But I don’t see how I could have another. We are in a two bedroom flat, up flights of stairs. My older son goes to school in another area so we have to do the two bus journey twice a day which is already a struggle. I just can’t imagine it with a newborn as well.
But I can’t imagine going through with the termination (which is booked for Monday). I will never forgive myself. Either way my life is ruined now. I’ll either suffer mentally with the new baby as I struggle already, or I’ll feel deep regret for killing my baby (sorry to put it like that as I don’t want to upset anyone who has had a termination but this is how i am seeing it) and I worry the rest of my life will be ruined.
My partner says he will do whatever I choose but he has been useless with our baby so although he will go along with what I decide, I’m not expecting much practical support either way. As it is, I have to go to the termination appointment alone as he is too scared to ask his boss for time off.