14 weeks , anxiety

[Midthirtiesgirl]

Hi,
I’m 14 weeks into a planned pregnancy but my anxiety about whether my relationship is right is through the roof, to the point that i’m constantly analysing it, feeling negative, and considering terminating the pregnancy and the relationship. I have always had relationship doubts about our degree of compatibility, but given that it’s generally a lovely relationship and I love him, and we both have always really wanted kids, I just got brave and decided to go for it. I hoped the pregnancy would kind of seal the deal and make me stop critiquing the little things in our relationship but instead I get this massive anxiety and uncertainty.
I feel ashamed to be in this situation. I feel bad for the baby inside of me that’s dealing with all these stress hormones.
I haven’t really bonded with it yet though because i’m so often just wondering about termination. I did go to the 12 week scan with my partner and was happy and in love when I saw the baby. I was happy for a day before the anxiety came back. I want to be positive about everything and move forward but I’m scared of making a mistake. My partner agreed we could move to my country once we have the baby, which would be far away from his family, so I need to really commit to him if we have this baby together. This international relationship thing adds a lot of pressure to make it work.

I suffered severe anxiety during my pregnancy from 16 weeks onwards. Although I didn’t suffer the same anxieties (ie your relationship) I suffered all the same and worried if having a baby was the correct option for me. I never considered abortion (as I was in a loving committed relationship and don’t agree with it in cases such as my own) however the thoughts of wishing I wasn’t pregnant plagued me. Now when I look at my beautiful baby girl I feel guilty of those feelings (although I shouldn’t and neither should you) because I love her so much and couldn’t imagine my life without her. You will love that little baby of yours regardless of wether you remain in a relationship with your partner or not. Look after yourself. Speak to your partner, be honest and approach it calmly. Talk to him about what’s bugging you and see if you can fix it. But most importantly please be kind to yourself, you’re doing your best. Pregnancy is not easy.