Unplanned 5th pregnancy. Please help x

[cherieamore]

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23 hours agoDetails
Hi there,

I hope you can offer me some help. I have just found out that I am pregnant with my 5th baby. This was a massive shock. I have a good relationship with my husband and he will be supportive of whatever I choose to do but I am TERRIFIED. I will be 38 this year and I have already had four Caesarian sections, I’m not sure my body could cope with another. I worry about the upheaval it will cause to my older children as well as judgemental comments from other people. My youngest child is 2 and my oldest is 13, I don’t want to cause any of them upset over this. Given my age and previous surgeries I am deeply concerned that I’d struggle with the pregnancy and birth. I really thought that my family was complete. On the other hand I don’t like the idea of abortion, I worry about the impact it would have on me emotionally. I’m around 5 weeks pregnant just now, please can you offer any advice? Thank you.

You have all my thoughts.

You've said a lot about your practical worries. Would you want another baby? Practical worries aside.

First of all put all concerns for the judgements of others aside. In reality that is of course something that most people worried about but try not to let it affect your decision. At your core, do you want this baby? If you do then I'm sure your children will cope as they did when DC2, 3 & 4 came along. If you don't then you know that you have options. Set the fear and apprehension aside and try to think about what you really want. This can be hard to do and you may need to try and find yourself some time or space or someone that you can confide in.

Cherieamore are you me?
Slight differences- I’m currently unexpectedly pregnant with babies 3 & 4. My family was complete with two children, I am on the depo injection pill - there is no way I should be pregnant and with no history of twins in either family there should not be two in there. I’m also 38 and feeling old.
I went to bpas with the intention of aborting. It took weeks to get an appointment, I had to drive for an hour to get there passing several more local clinics which were booked up, and take my youngest because I couldn’t get childcare for the appointment.
They were wonderful, kind and helpful. Obviously very underfunded.
In the end I decided not to go ahead, I’m still not convinced this is the right decision, but here we are.
If you want to abort you need to make a move straight away. You can always change your mind but getting an appointment will take a long time and you don’t want to delay.
I don’t know about how multiple c-sections will affect you, but perhaps your GP can answer your questions?
And consider what if its not just no 5, but no 5 & 6?

Hi op

I am also expecting a surprise fifth (hopefully just fifth) baby!

My other four are between 2 and 11 years so similar to yours. They don't know about the pregnancy yet as I am only 10+2 and haven't had a scan yet. Once i know everything looks ok we will let them know. Tbh i expect they'll take it fairly well, we have had a baby roughly every 3 years so its kind of the norm. There are often conversations started by the dc here of "If we have another baby....."

I haven't had any csections but my friend had four and when she had her last they suggested sterilisation at the same time due to increased risk. Fwiw she had this done and now deeply regrets.

How was your last pregnancy in terms of risk? My friend was monitored very closely and signed off work early on due to concern her scar was going to rupture.

I would perhaps see about booking yourself in to see someone to discuss your concerns before making any decisions

Hi cherieamore,

I know you haven’t commented on here in a long time but I have found myself in a very similar situation and just wondered how things turned out for you?

Thanks

I don’t think you shouldn’t be concerned about others people opinions at all.

I think you can look at it from different prospectively. There are plenty of women who give birth at 38 and they and the baby are fine. Of course it’s normal that you would be concerned about the Cesar, but if you do choose to move ahead you would not be the first woman to have had multiple Cesars.

As far as your children, you can tell them in a family meeting that they would be having a new brother or sister. I really think children would be excited.

If you decide to terminate then of course do take into consideration your emotions, but if you truly think this is the right choice then you need to be kind to yourself and not judge yourself for this.

If for any reason you need support then don’t hesitate to reach out to your support network of family and friends.. and of course mumsnet.

All in all, I wish you all the best and much happiness. No matter what you can do this and you will be fine.