Hi,
I am about 8 ish weeks pregnant with number 4 and I really don't want to be. My youngest is only 11 months and I had a horrific pregnancy with her. My body just doesn't feel ready to be pregnant again. I don't hate the idea of another baby but I do really hate the idea of another pregnancy.
I had a termination 18 years ago when I was just 16. It's stayed with me ever since and effected me emotionally even though I don't regret that choice. I really don't know what to do. I keep secretly hoping I will MC which I know is an absolutely awful thing to even think, and has someone who has been through that I hate myself for hoping for it.
I'm really scared that if I have another termination emotionally it will be worse this time. At 16 it made sense due to the circumstances. 18 years later I have a husband and three wonderful children and it feels completely selfish and an awful choice, but I don't think my body can handle another pregnancy so soon, especially with a young baby too.
To make it worse I am also a Christian now and the guilt is unreal. I am most definitely pro choice but hate the idea of what an abortion really is.
I don't really remember much about my termination. I think I've blocked it out and just went through the motions.
How can I decide if I should go through with the pregnancy or stop it? I need to be 100% sure either way and every day I keep going backwards and forwards.
I know when the baby arrived I would love it with all my heart, & I would be so thankful I didn't have a termination. However practically it's the worst time to introduce another baby into our family and as I've said I just can't face the pregnancy.
Sorry I'm completely rambling here aren't I.
Just wish I didn't have to make the horrible choice