Partner scared about labour, what can I do to help

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

My partner is getting quite scared about the labour proce. We've done a birth plan and I've said I'll support her in any choices she makes but she's still not comfortable.

Her main concern is the affect on her as two of her friends had difficult births and one still has continence issues as a result.

No one she knows has had a birth which went well.

What can I do to help reassure her and more. Importantly what can I do during the birth to help.

Just be there for her. Maybe practice the hospital route with her a few times, so she feels confident that she'll get there ok. As hard as it is to say, try and keep reassuring her and telling her to not think about other people right now - it doesn't help. Keep telling her "i'll be right there with you". There's not much you can do on the physical side of things - birth can, and often is, horrifc to be honest, but for a lot of women it can also be a wonderful experience.

Have you looked into hypnobirthing? I don't know how far along your partner is but if your coming up for due date it's still worth looking into .
The positive birth company have some fantastic short videos on YouTube that I know helped me feel calm about labour 😊

Unfortunately you have no control on how labour will go but if she is in the right mind set it can really help a lot !

You might want to get this moved to a different board as "pregnancy choices" is for people who are thinking of not continuing a pregnancy.

She can:

• listen to some hypnobirthing tracks
• try some perineal massage (or you can do it if she's struggling to reach)
• download the NHS Squeezy app and work her pelvic floor before and after the birth
• keep active up to and during labour if she can
• stay at home for as long as possible in early labour.

What you do is whatever she needs to feel safe, reassured, and in control as much as possible. Your job is to advocate for her and watch on the day for what she needs which might be different from what she expects. In labour I didn't want back rubbing or hand holding, I wanted to be left the fuck alone to get on with it, but I didn't know that until I was there.

My first birth was a great experience. I have given birth to two full term babies without tearing or having any continence issues. Nobody can tell you how it will go but hypnobirthing is great for keeping calm and going with the flow. Good luck.