I recently went through an abortion and want to record my experience for other girls who might be going through the same thing - I struggled to find many detailed stories so if this helps just one person I'll be happy. Be aware this is a detailed account so please just click on if you're only here to protest - there are other threads for that.
I'd been having some odd symptoms that I don't normally get (lower back pain, very sore swollen boobs and headaches) and on a whim took a pregnancy test; to my surprise and horror it was a strong positive.
I was at a point in my life where having a baby just didn't feel like an option due to circumstance, even though a big part of me wanted to go ahead. I live with my partner in a rough neighbourhood, we have no money barely living paycheck to paycheck, I have a year of my degree left and I know the last thing my partner wanted was a child at this point. All I saw was dread when I told him, don't get me wrong he didn't once push or suggest termination initially, but I could tell he wasn't ready. When I announce I'm pregnant I want it to be an exciting and happy time in our lives - it feels cruel and unfair on a child to instead be horrified.
I know exactly when I got pregnant, it was the result of failed contraception, I took the morning after pill too "to be safe".
So after lengthy discussions I booked an appointment at a clinic. I had a chat with the doctor, we discussed my reasoning for considering abortion, options (medical or surgical) and calculated how far along I'd be. I had my bloods taken to check for anaemia, blood type and sti's. An abdominal ultrasound was done, which I chose to look at (I felt like I should know exactly what I was doing) - I was estimated to be 6 weeks along and saw little more than a sac and little embryo. Prior to ultrasound I was told to have a full bladder and keep it full for the scan, I believe it makes it easier to see.
I opted for a medical termination, surgical felt 'too real' and too invasive. I also chose to go home for the duration of the treatment so I could be in my comfort zone with my partner but you can opt to stay in hospital - they can monitor exactly what you pass if you choose to stay and will send you home when you pass the pregnancy, and if you feel okay. They booked me back in for a weeks time to fit around work. I chose to tell my employer that I was unable to continue a pregnancy and needed the days off - I really struggled with what to do about work, obviously this is extremely personal so please don't feel like you have to tell them details. "I have some health issues and have outpatient hospital treatment booked in so need X days off", you can provide a hospital note if you like that details that you did indeed have a procedure - not detailing what it was.
At my second appointment I had another chat confirming what had already been discussed, had blood pressure + heart rate checked, and was then given one tablet to swallow of mifepristone. NHS guidelines had changed so instead of returning the next day I was told to relax with a coffee for an hour then come back. I didn't have coffee as I was extremely anxious and sickly from worrying but didn't have any symptoms from the first tablet.
After an hour I went back and was given four tablets of misoprostol to insert in my vagina as high up as I could manage (I haven't heard anyone else describe this but - the inside of my vagina felt weirdly squishy, almost like it was inflamed and my cervix was super low). The nurse told me I had a negative blood group and had to have an anti-d injection at the top on my bum cheek, not pleasant but not the worst, it was a bit achy for a couple of days after. I was given leaflets, 24hr phone numbers, painkillers (codeine) and 4 antibiotic tablets I was to take all together at home.
I felt the pessaries kick in getting into the taxi home like a dull achy feeling low in my cervix. I was very nervous at home and walked around like I was told to. Bleeding kicked in after about 3 hours and was steady up until a few hours in and I bled heavily. We had to monitor pads to check for excessive bleeding; if you fill a pad within half an hour, for two hours or more you have to return to hospital. Mine stemmed off just before 2 hours, I went to bed, then nothing, apart from some slight bleeding. I checked back in with the nurses and they said everything sounded fine, but I felt it just wasn't enough. I passed maybe 4 or 5 blood clots, the largest being about a 50p piece.
The absolute worst thing about medical abortion, for me, was the diarrhoea. Honestly the worst I've ever had and constant. I hadn't needed any pain killers throughout this.
In 3 weeks I took another test as required, another strong positive. I was absolutely distraught but had seen it coming. So I booked back in for another appointment.
I had another ultrasound, this time vaginally and I was told to attend with a full bladder but to empty it right before. The pregnancy passed but there was tissue left - about 4cm in diameter.
They recommended I opt straight for surgical treatment as is the norm. But I couldn't go into surgery for a few days anyway so they let me try taking more tablets that night. We were in hospital for around 4 hours discussing what to do, I was quite upset and just didn't know, it's a big decision to make on the spot. After making the heartbreaking decision to terminate in the beginning I thought that was it, all this almost felt like punishment.
I was given more pessaries that night to insert and booked onto the emergency theatre list 2 days later if they didn't work.
The second medical attempt was much like the first just lesser in bleeding and the poops - but still nasty. No clots, I called the next day and they said we had to go ahead to remove the tissue surgically, via vacuum aspiration. I had to go back into hospital to sign the documents and get info on what to do. No food after midnight and I could have a drink before 6am.
We got to hospital at 7am and I was already sore from the pessaries and bleeding. They'd said my cervix should already be nice and soft from the Thursday so no harm done trying medical again. I was given two more pessaries of misoprostol to soften my cervix and left for a couple of hours.
Checked obs and spoke to the anaesthetist, changed into my robe and waited. After half an hour or so they came to get me for theatre, my partner walked as far as he could then said bye - the look on his face broke my heart, I know he felt a lot of guilt and his family has been ill and had serious ops so being back in hospital now worried for me was just crap. They stuck some monitors on me, and put a catheter in my hand (which I didn't feel because I got numbing cream, yes i'm a massive wimp, but every little helps). They put an o2 mask on me told me to take some deep breaths and my arm might feel cold, it did, I was straight asleep.
I woke up in recovery an hour and a half later, I was only in theatre about 15 mins. Very tender, had some codeine and went back to the ward when ready with a drip, think just saline. I spoke some utter shit to the staff coming round.
I bled a little and there was a pad squished between my legs so leaking ensued. They gave me a heat pad for my tum and my mum and partner came back to see me. They took the catheter out but made me promise I'd keep hydrated, not an issue as my throat was very dry from the breathing tube so I drank the whole jug before anyone could visit. Very feeble and very tired. Going to the loo was hard straight after, my partner helped with the drip bending over etc. They checked my obs for every hour for about 4 hours then I was allowed to leave after another anti-d injection - just about finished me off. I'd been laughing from the anaesthetic but it had morphed into self pity tears.
Very stiff, crampy and tired. I took some codeine, paracetamol and ibuprofen which helped a lot, and did so for a few days (quickly stopped when I realised the codeine was making me constipated - I didn't go to the loo for about 4 days so be aware).
I felt weirdly empty like I hadn't noticed I felt a particular way before surgery but now I felt like something was gone and the cramps from trying to expel the tissue had gone. Light bleeding stopped after a day and I had to use liners for about a week and a half because of blood tinted discharge. Its been about two weeks now and no more bleeding, I have to do another test in a week or so, so I am praying its negative, I don't know how I'll cope if its positive again and there's still tissue left.
I feel like I have taken an absolute battering, I honestly don't know if I would do things the same way if I had known, but hindsight is a terrible thing and life goes as it will. If time reversed and I chose to abort, knowing what I've been through, I would opt straight for surgery.
What happened to me is by NO MEANS what will happen to you if you're in a similar situation. But the nurse said more girls come back after a medial termination failure so it can't be too uncommon and I couldn't find many stories from girls online to prepare me.
I still don't feel right, physically or in myself. I'm having gastrointestinal issues possibly unrelated so will visit the doctors. I'm also going to take up the offer of a therapist to talk to, I think (hope) it'll help. My and dp are going back to normal life with this hopefully behind us, both feeling drained, guilty and a little lost but at least we have each other to lean on.
If you're scared or have experienced similar please feel free to comment. I'm here to answer any questions, please don't be scared from this story - shit happens and we'll be fine and stronger as a couple. Any decisions you make make them only for you, because you're the one that will carry most of the weight after.
Sorry for the absolute essay but I wanted to share my experience, and also needed to get this off my chest.
Much love to anyone going through any hardship you're most definitely not alone 