38 No Idea What To Do :(

[Dearohdear18]

Hi there, I found out last week I am pregnant. A bit of background information.
I suffer with my mental health and have BPD, the majority of the time I hate the world and decided to never bring a child into such a horrible world.
7 years ago I also had breast cancer went through all the chemo operations etc and told chances of starting a family would be very low, I was ok about this as I didn't want children anyway.
Now I'm 38 and just found out I'm pregnant and it is a complete shock!

I thought it would be an easy decision for me to make but I'm finding it incredibly difficult and can't understand why I'm so torn.
Majority of the time I feel useless, struggle to keep the house clean without a baby, worried about my mental health if I decided to keep it and that I'd be a terrible Mum. Feel like I'm too old to start having kids. I don't really have any friends so feel quite alone.

My partner is supportive of whatever I decide.
With all the negatives I can't help thinking that its a bit of a miracle and this would be my one shot.
Why am I feeling like this though when I have always said I don't want kids.
I know only I can make the decision but just wanted to hear from anyone who has been in similar position.
X

I don't really know what to tell you, the decision can only come from you. I think the reality of the situation is always different from how you imagine things, plus like you said,you have had a big surprise and are quite rightly shocked!

Please don't rush into anything. Obviously, if you are considering a termination then time is of the essence in one respect but just don't make a split second decision. Really think about this, the pros and cons and speak to your family and partner.

As for the age thing, you aren't too old to start having kids, I'm not much younger than you and recently had my first child!

I really wish you all the best and wish I could be of more help, but as you know, it's only you who can decide.