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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Emotionally abused?

25 replies

rupdex · 15/04/2018 21:35

Hello,

This is a bit of an awkward situation for me to write, but here goes...

I started seeing this guy after my marriage broke down. He was lovely or so I thought.

When we eventually slept together I told him I hadn't sorted out contraception yet. However we both decided to continue anyway.

Next thing I know, he drops me completely. I eventually get to speak to him a week later and obviously bring up what happened in conversation.

He has a 2 year old girl from a previous relationship and I have 2 boys.

He said to me if I am pregnant and I were to keep it he would kill himself and his daughter wouldn't have a dad anymore and it would be all my fault.

A termination is not something I'd do. I was bullied into one years ago by my husband and never got over it. Plus I made that decision to have unprotected sex, I would love that child more than anything.

He's also said if I disappear he will know I've kept it and will still commit suicide and that he'd delete all social media so I could never find out when he does it.

I never knew he had this side to him. If I did I would have run a mile.

OP posts:

snackarella · 15/04/2018 21:54

Let's hope you aren't pregnant then...or are you???

He sounds like a dick and I'm
Sure it doesn't matter what you do, if he wants to kill himself he will. But he's probably just guilt tripping you x

Original poster

rupdex · 15/04/2018 22:39

I'm due on this coming Friday so I'll be resting then.

OP posts:

Original poster

rupdex · 15/04/2018 22:44

Testing* not resting ha

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 15/04/2018 22:45

He sounds a complete tosser. Fingers crossed for the weekend.

Original poster

rupdex · 19/04/2018 17:44

So I've done a few tests. This is today's one. Darker than yesterday and came up straight away. Due AF Saturday. What do I do?

He's obviously threatened to kill himself if I kept it.

OP posts:

Gazelda · 19/04/2018 17:58

Don't be bullied into making any decision you don't want to. Take your time to come to terms with the situation. Don't tell him anything until/unless you are ready to.
He is responsible for any decision he makes. Not you.

Original poster

rupdex · 19/04/2018 18:01

I literally feel like I have his blood on my hands 😂😭

OP posts:

BrutusMcDogface · 19/04/2018 18:08

Is that definitely a positive?

What a sticky situation though, op! Are you willing to have a baby on your own? Don't feel guilted into terminating it just because he said he'd kill himself (wtf?!)

Cat12321 · 19/04/2018 19:03

The fact that he said that he'd kill his daughter too is very scary.

Of course it's up to you whether or not you terminate, but I'd definitely alert the authorities. He sounds very unstable!

All the best, OP

Aprilmightbemynewname · 19/04/2018 19:06

Well he can't love his dc even to say it. Just block and move on.
And keep the baby.

Original poster

rupdex · 19/04/2018 19:46

He didn't say he'd kill his daughter. He said she'd be without a father.

OP posts:

Aprilmightbemynewname · 19/04/2018 19:53

He can't love her then if he thinks would be fine!

thebumpyride · 19/04/2018 20:00

He is only making a threat OP and correct me if I'm wrong but he could get into trouble for that if you have messages for proof. Anything he does to himself is his own choice and not influenced by you. Do whatever you want to do and don't let his harsh threats rule your decision. Good luck to you and please focus on yourself and your family x

userabcname · 19/04/2018 20:03

I'm sorry but if the thought of having a baby makes him suicidal then why is he having unprotected sex? Or any sex at all for that matter! For heaven's sake, tell him to get a grip.

If you are pregnant then the choice of whether to terminate or bring the baby up as a single parent is up to you. Whatever you choose, please make sure you stay away from this man who sounds frankly unhinged. I would not contact him again regardless of what happens next with a potential pregancy.

ProfessorSillyStuff · 19/04/2018 20:06

You should block him on all media immediately, regardless of test results. He is the worst! Read about narccisists, gaslighting etc and do not feel any thing for him. Concentrate on yourself instead. Especially not guilt! What a scumbag. Just be glad you didn't get any more involved. You dodged a bullet! If you can get him to forget about you quickly all the better.
If he contacts you any more, get a restraining order. Keep any messages and keep a diary starting by writing down the things he saod to you. Emotional abuse is a crime and this is the very definition of it. Please please do not think you can be in a family with that. Please keep talking on here and to family and friends about what has happened. This is not ANY of your fault.

Original poster

rupdex · 19/04/2018 22:35

I honestly didn't think he was like that. As soon as I found out I felt nothing towards him in a romantic sense any longer. But I still don't like the thought of "I could be the reason this guy kills himself". I told him that I wasn't on any contraception, he knew this before. I don't intend on even entertaining the idea of having a possible relationship with this person whatsoever. But I just can't shake what he's said out of my mind.

OP posts:

ProfessorSillyStuff · 20/04/2018 02:39

Honestly I really wouldn't worry about that! With this type of personality these's 0% chance of him actually doing anything remotely like that!

redexpat · 20/04/2018 05:10

If he does it, it wouldnt be your fault. The only way it would be your fault is if you killed him. We all make choices. He chose to have unprotected sex. He is emotionally blackmailing you to get what he wants. Thats abuse.

beforeigoinsane · 20/04/2018 16:13

Just done another test which has come out positive. Looks like this is happening then! Just got to figure out the best approach. Do I disappear off the face of the earth or front the situation? I know if I do the latter I've got to be strong and whatever he decides to do is down to him I guess?

Namechanger2015 · 20/04/2018 16:21

I would disappear and never contact him again. He sounds extremely manipulative and you are in for a lifetime of pain if you stay in contact with him. Also would not put his name on the birth certificate.

Good luck and congratulations.

beforeigoinsane · 20/04/2018 16:27

Thank you. It's very odd and surreal being congratulated haha! I definitely won't put him on the birth certificate. No worries of that happening 😂

Addy2 · 27/04/2018 05:01

I know this is a few days old, just wanted to say, if you haven't told him yet, could you just say the test was negative? I'm not usually a fan of lying, but it could be safer. I read a news story recently about the trial of a man who killed his ex gf after threatening to kill himself. Did it at her work, justified it by saying it was her or him. He sounds unhinged, be careful.

newdaylight · 27/04/2018 05:40

Agree with above poster. He's definitely dangerous if he's being do abusive to you already

Mini2017 · 27/04/2018 05:50

What ever you do, do NOT let his name be on the birth certificate because he will have access. I wouldn't want a man who threatened to kill himself around my child.
Be very careful because once he is on it. Things can get really complicated

GrooovyLass · 27/04/2018 06:05

Wow. You're better off 1000 miles away from this abusive tosser. Good luck with your pregnancy x

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