Please help, suicidal after abortion

[Minnie87]

I had an abortion 3 months ago - my boyfriend pushed me into it very hard and I didn't feel like it was my decision.

I've been in bed and crying nearly all the time since then. All I can think about is the baby and how it died. I lost my job because I couldn't cope with going in.

No idea what to do. Please can anyone help? Bf left me when found out I was pregnant. Told my sister and a friend but nothing is helping.

Sweetie - I didn’t want to read and not respond. Maybe try your GP - antidepressants and / or counselling may help over this terribly difficult time

Hi op, I've been where you are I had an abortion over 5 months ago and for a while I was suicidal. It is a horrible place to be in.
You can get through this I promise. What you're feeling is a mixture of emotions- it's grief but also guilt, shame and like you're not even allowed to feel that way because you "caused it". For me it was like a huge fog in my head and I could not think straight or focus on anything in my life. It Counselling can help to unpick these emotions and deal with them individually. I never went on to anti depressants but they are also an option for you as well as counselling. If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to PM me. I also joined a group on Facebook that to be honest got me through the darkest days.

Also, I posted a few threads on here when I was at my lowest point. If you feel up to it, read 1 or 2 of them and read the very helpful and amazing responses I got from the ladies on here. It might be helpful because those responses apply to you as well.

Topaz89, thank you so much for replying. I am so sorry to hear you went through this too. It feels like people do not talk about how awful it really is. May I ask how you got counselling? Whom did you go to? I will look up your earlier posts too. Thank you again

I've stumbled on this post this evening - and although last week. I'm going through something similar.

I decided to have a abortion in January, after a very brief discussion with partner. He encouraged the choice, I was on the fence but leaning towards having a sibling for our DD.

I have regretted it every.single.day, and my life has fallen to bits. I've limped on, at work and being a mum and family unit but I don't see how I can recover from this.

I reactively become pregnant last month, as I regretted my choice so much - but miscarried at 6 weeks (I had abortion at 8).

Came to a head this week and had a mini-breakdown at the GP, I've had very dark thoughts for the first time in my life. Not sucidal as such, but I have felt like dropping out from life.

I can't cope, I cry almost every day, which is so unlike me.

GP wrote me off work for 2 weeks, and referred me to mental unit unit, but I won't see them for another month (1st available appointment). I don't know how I am going to cope until then.

Partner regrets choice, not because of the loss, but my mental health. I don't think either of us expected my reaction. Esp now after so many months.

Can you share the link Topaz? I'm desperate to look for help. I feel that abortion is something you can't talk to to anyone, especially as you did it to yourself!

This is the closet thread I've found to how I'm feeling - I was too scared to post one myself.

Hi KurlyWurly88,

I'm almost crying reading your message. I don't know what to say except that I am going through this too.

I have been thinking about getting pregnant again - it feels like it is the only thing that could save me from how I feel now - I am so so so sorry to hear about what happened when you tried this. The only thing that is stopping me is that I went to see a Chinese doctor and he said my body was too weak (from all the grief and stress) to have another baby. He said I should wait for a year. It doesn't feel like I will last that long.

I find it so hard to talk to other people about it because if they haven't had an abortion I don't think they could understand how horrible I feel but if they have had one I don't want to offend them by talking about feeling guilty. I'm not sure if this is the same for you but for me I feel horror and guilt as well as so much regret about the baby.

My bf told me that he would not support me and that I would be single alone with nowhere to live and no father for my child etc etc. He really scared me and never accepted it when I told him I wanted to have the child. I wish I had been strong enough to stand up to him. I feel like I should have protected the baby and as soon as it happened I had a really clear perception of the baby being a little human baby that depended on me and how cruel it was to abort him or her (to the baby and me). I am sorry if this is too much for me to say but I am so low at the moment I think I have to tell someone.

Have you had any conversations with people that helped? I am looking for ways to think about it or cope because my life has completely stopped and I can't support myself anymore.

@Minnie87 you did what you believed was best at the time. You can do no more. You bf was clearly NOT going to support you.

From your posts, it seems like you are very, very hard on yourself. It is always easier to be kind to strangers that on yourself. I have spoken to no-one else, apart the GP, which did help. But he isn't a specialist and only has a 10 minute slot! It was helpful that someone else recognised the distress I am in and acknowledge that I need help and support. If you have not seen a doctor - I recommend that you do. He/she can refer you to someone to talk to.

My husband thinks I am beating myself up for something which cannot change, I feel he is getting impatient with me. He longs for our old life and for me to be myself. I am angry with him.

Every person's situation is different, I have a child, and believe me - a baby is very HARD work. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, and so stressful. It was one of the reasons my husband wasn't supportive of having another so soon - we kind of know what could be ahead. How single mothers cope - I do not know.

I think that your Chinese doctor is right about your body not supporting pregnancy, my body and mind are clearly not ready to sustain another pregnancy. I was so stressed and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for the 2 weeks I was 'pregant'.

I try to imagine my life if I had continued the pregnancy and not decided to abort. It would probably be stressful and full of worry. Ultimately - we both had a difficult choice either way. There would be moments where we wished we didn't.

It's very hard, and horrible.

Please try and see a doctor if you can. I am interested in alternative medicine - did the Chinese doctor suggest anything to help with the grief?

Look after yourself.......

So sorry you're feeling this way. It's really not an easy process 3 years later and I still think about it every single day. I'd be lying if I said the hurt goes away, it will always hurt but it does kind of get easier. The worst part is not openly being able to grieve because it's such a touchy subject. I hate myself every day for it and it really shouldn't be this way! I do small things like light a candle and it does help me come to terms. Feel free to send me a private message if you need a chat. Big hugs xo

Abortions can be very difficult. I had one on December 17th 2016 and I still cry about it, even though I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant withy second baby. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional aftermath of an abortion. One thing that helped/helps me deal with it is spirituality. I'm not 'religious' and don't follow any conventional religion. but I've come to make sense of concepts such as the law of attraction/reincarnation/universal energy/the idea of a 'soul' and so forth. Before going through with the abortion, I asked the soul of my baby to return to me in the future. I'd like to think that this baby (the one I'm currently pregnant with), or a future baby, will be that soul. 💗✨

I hope you manage to find peace and healing. It's definitely a journey. I wish you the best x

I'd also like to add (and I've not actually openly admitted this to anyone - not even my partner) that this current pregnancy definitely wasn't accidental - I wasn't trying not to get pregnant, and I know 100% that it was because I regretted my abortion so badly that I wanted to correct what I'd done and have another shot at meeting the soul I'd lost.

So many of us that goes through the same thing..we all have our different reasons for our decisions but l am amazed that so many of us feel the same...l had a termination 3 weeks ago, my husband and l had tried for 3 years and had given up hope when l found out in January..we had planned to keep it although surprised, when my health took a serious turn for the worse and l could not eat properly or even walk as l had such migraines...eventually l just wanted to jump out our Windows to get away from it and we decided that it was time to terminate...l have cried everyday since then, but l had think of my son and husband...they need me around! So my responsibility for them took priority over the unborn baby...l so wish l could have done differently but as l saw it l could not. My husband does not want to try again, so that was that...l miss my baby..but it nice being alive and being able to eat and to walk ! I did not feel as if l got the right support from the local health centre in order to sustain this pregnancy...

I had to reply to your post as this is exactly how I felt after my abortion. Instead it was both my mum and oh that pushed me into it. My mum told me she was ashamed of me and that it was the only choice I had. I still lived in her house and with her being my mum I just listened because naturally she would want what's best for me. I wanted to pull out of it right up until they put me to sleep. But I didn't and when it was over my heart shattered and I've never forgotten it. However it was 4 years ago now and since I've had 2 beautiful babies and I am blessed. I will never fully forgive myself and I'll always say it wasn't what I wanted but things have turned out for the best now. I promise you will begin to feel better, just allow time to heal you. It really helps to keep busy. It may be good for you to go to your gp and ask for some anti-depressants to help you get back on your path of 'normality'. Don't forget you can still have babies in the future with someone else who will fully support you and care for you and your baby. I wish you a good recovery and the best for the future. Please stay positive and don't punish yourself. Lots of hugs x