post abortion - advice

[rlw3394]

Hi everyone, just a little background info. Just over a month ago I had an abortion. I was on the contraceptive pill when I found out I was pregnant - so it was a huge surprise to find out we were pregnant. My partner and I decided that having an abortion was the best thing for us at the time, for a number of reasons - I am nearly finished uni, we don't have our own house (both still live with our parents) and don't feel that we would be able to financially support ourselves and a baby - and we personally did not want to bring a child into the world knowing that we could not financially support it from the offset. When we went for our scan (as part of the abortion process) we found out that I was in fact carrying twins. This made the decision both easier (as there was no way we could support two babies) and harder (what are the odds of conceiving twins naturally - especially when there is no family history).

Anyway, since I have had the abortion I have been quite emotional. Every time I see baby stuff or hear of people I know who are pregnant talk about their pregnancy it makes me fantasise about how far along I would have been, think about whether I would have had a bump, how big would I be, what would our babies look like, etc. There have been a few times where I have just broke down at night and cried.

If I put my sensible head on, I know an abortion was the best thing for us but nonetheless, there are still times where I fantasise what life would have been like. Is this normal?

Also, not many people know about the abortion - and I feel like I can't speak about it to those who know. I feel like, in some ways, its over - so why should I keep bringing it up.

My partner doesn't mention it at all either - I feel like I need to speak to him about my little wobbles but don't want him to feel that I regret it and I don't even know really how to bring it up in conversation. He was amazing through the whole thing, so I have no reason to believe he wouldn't be now (especially since we have been together for 8 years - it hasn't been a short relationship) but there is something niggling in the back of my head that feels like I can't tell him this. Am I being irrational?

I'd appreciate any advice anyone can give or if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Try not to dwell on it. Book a nice holiday and be very kind to yourself. You're not being irrational.

You reaction sounds quite normal to me, you are not being irrational is never an easy decision to make and your hormones may still be adjusting so it may take time for your emotions to settle.
Marie Stopes have this help line:- www.mariestopes.org.uk/abortion-services/abortion-aftercare/
I would start by talking to them as much as you need to. Hopefully talking to them will allow you to broach the subject with your partner, as he may well feel he doesn’t want to bring it up as well.
Hope this helps.

I also had an abortion during my last year of university with my boyfriend of 5 years.

(This was over 8 years ago now)!

And it will fade, I promise. You will graduate and find work, place to live etc etc. All the things you were planning to. I remember feeling exactly like you during the first 9 months or so.

You will have a life you couldn't have had if you continued with your pregnancy. I now have a 2 year old in our own home and can afford classes, baby gear nursery items that I simply couldn't have provided 8 years ago.

Having my baby made me realise how HARD it is, I would NOT have coped if I had a baby all those years ago. Although I regretted and felt incredibly sad it at the time, I didn't regret it later on (if that makes sense).

Don't be hard on yourself - like another poster said, book a holiday, spend some time together (somewhere totally unsuitable for kids)! Enjoy every minute.

I had an abortion in my first year at uni and didn’t feel this way but how you’re feeling is totally normal and OK . Highly recommend getting in touch with a counselor xx

Please help advice needed I had an abortion on 2nd of June I had the injection straight after which I was told would work straight away.we had intercorse a week later i have been having pregnancy symptoms so I did a test on Friday the 15th it was positive but light I did another on Monday which was darker then another today and that was darker.

Call your abortion provider . Hate to say it but sometimes it doesn’t work xx

Oh god really. I've been on the injection before and it was fine.

The abortion could have failed though . Go back to your provider to make sure the test is accurate . We are here if you need us xx

Thank you xx I passed the pregnancy when I stayed at the clinic though

I was in a similar situation to yourself, I’d been with my partner for 7 years but I had just finished uni, we both still lived at home and we felt we couldn’t finically support a child. My partner was happy do whatever I wanted but we both knew it wasn’t the right time. I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant and had the abortion at 12 weeks. I remember going to the scan and just bawling my eyes out - it wasn’t the easiest of decisions but I knew it was the right one. After I found my hormones were all over the place, I felt like I instantly regretted it crying and behaving slightly crazy, I even thought about trying to concieve again! I searched forums as well to see what other people experienced and quite a few were similar to me which made me feel better. This lasted about a month or so. For a while after when people spoke about babies or abortion it did get me especially as only a select few people knew. 3 years on and I don’t regret the decision. Me and my other half are still together engaged and with a house.