I found an old thread with a story similar to mine and instead of posting on it I decided to start a new thread. I have never registered for a site like this before, but I don’t know anyone in my area who has gone through something similar so felt it would help. Here is my story:
I am 31 and work as a nurse. I was in a relationship with a man for four years who is still a dear friend to me, tho he is a drinker and doesn’t want kids and after a long time I decided it would be best for us to both move on yet remain friends. Immediately after that (not proud of this but it all happened so fast and feelings were strong etc etc) I became closer to a friend who reached out to me and helped me through the break up. I think we got excited because it seemed we wanted similar things in life and maybe some day a family, as well as truly enjoying eachothers company. Well, despite birth control methods we became pregnant one of the first times we had sex, not long after my previous relationship ended. At first I was excited, but then the reality of the situation set in. I began grieving for my old relationship, scared and not trusting of a new one with someone I had barely time to really know, and then pregnancy hormones hit full force with very strong depression, anxiety, regret and resentment. I felt angry at my new boyfriend who got me pregnant, at my baby, at myself, at anyone who thought I should continue. I felt very alone and confused, and scared to bring a baby into any of this. Also made the mistake of talking to my ex for comfort, who I’ve always trusted the advice of, and his was to consider that I may not be healthy enough or ready for this. My boyfriend I got pregnant with wanted the baby but as he saw my emotions become more out of control, he began to wonder if maybe termination would be the best plan. Once I got it in my head, it seemed like the only way out of the torment I felt. I have always loved the idea of pregnancy and children yet felt so sick and disconnected to the life inside me, and negative thoughts and fears took over, I can see that looking back now. So I decided to do it and booked the appointment at 12 weeks (I took a lot of time tothink, went back and forth a lot, so confused depressed and emotional). I actually started feeling better finally a few days before the appointment, made the mistake of reaching out to my mother who advised that I made this choice and I should probably stick to it. Looking back I see I was so, so vulnerable to any little bit of doubt or guidance against having the baby. So I went through with it and now five months later I am left with a clearer mind and a lot of heavy sorrow and regret. I wish I had made the other choice, I know I could have done it and feel pain around those who weren’t supportive. I have learned a lot which I’m grateful for and have been in counseling intensively ever since, but nothing can fix this regret. I’m posting bc I wanted a Chance to write out my story, and hear from anyone whose gone through something similar. Thank you very much for reading such a long post and please try to be kind in the comments, nobody could possibly be as hard on me as I have already been on myself, and I simply feared bringing a child into emotional chaos and potential pain. I am hoping for healing.