Pregnant again and have 11 month old. Don't know what to do.

[koochykoo86]

I've recently found out that I am pregnant (estimating around 8 weeks) and I already have an 11 month old. I'm so confused as to what I should do for the best.

My daughter is only 11 months old and I live very far away from all my friends and family ( 2 plane journeys). I've struggled with my daughter having only my partner and his family for support and I'm pretty sure I suffered with Postnatal depression.

I found out I was pregnant for a second time (unplanned) a couple of weeks ago at the same time my partners father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Him and his family are going through the worst time of their lives and I have no one to turn to for advice.

Will keeping the baby add unwanted pressure to them all? They'll feel like they have to support me even more than they have done with my first. Will terminating the pregnancy always be a regret?

Is this lovely news in a really terrible time? Or is this totally the wrong time to worry them?

I'm in such a horrible place with this news right now. Any advice welcome. Thank you

Please help?

It sounds like you need someone in RL to talk to. Is there a pregnancy support service near where you live? Or do you have a health visitor who could give you some guidance on who to talk to?

It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life right now which is making it hard for you to think straight. Talking it all out with someone who has no stake in your decision might be best. Please remember though you need to make a decision that is right for you.

I know some of what your feeling. My dd’s are 19months appart in age. I totally had depression when I found out about my youngest. You need to talk to you OH about it. Call your family they are only a phone call away. Find yourself some local fiends - toddler groups etc. X

Thank you for replying Rainbow & Screaminginsideme. You're right, I do need to talk to someone about it I just don't have a clue who. I don't want to worry my family with it and I don't want any friends to judge me for being so irresponsible. Il have to research support in the place I'm living as I wouldn't have any ideas where to start. Appreciate your advice x

Have a chat with your health visitor, she will be able to point you in the direction of help and advice. Don't try and struggle alone. And don't beat yourself up as these things happen x

Thanks @keepingbees. That's really kind of you to say. Appreciate your advice and kind words. I think it's all going to depend on how far along I am. I know I won't be able to go through with a termination if I'm 10 weeks +. Just such bad timing for everyone and I'm racked with guilt x

Please don't feel guilty. This wasn't planned. You haven't done anything wrong. Have you spoken to your partner yet?

Please don’t feel guilty. I know my response would have been very negative if I were in your shoes.

I’d try not to consider your in laws too much. What does your DH think? Does he have a feeling either way?

Did you want any more children at all? Or just not now?

If you were wanting children in a year or 2 I’d be inclined towards keeping it and working things out but if you were wanting one child and this isn’t something you were wanting at any stage, I think you need to be really honest with yourself and your dh about what you want for your future.

Thanks @ceesadu18 & @RockinRobinTweets

My partner doesn't have much of an opinion as his head is completely focused on his father and family. Which I totally understand and support. To be honest, I've been channelling most of my time and energy that way too as its a very traumatic time for everyone. It's all happened so suddenly re the cancer and it's probably only going to be days now.

He's said he's not sure and we kind of weighed up pros and cons and decided at the moment we couldn't afford it, we don't have the space (bedrooms), his family will need our help and support for the foreseeable and my daughter is still so tiny I'm afraid I won't cope. But I keep coming and going with the idea. From how I'm feeling symptom wise I really don't think I have anytime to hang around. My doctor is going to make me wait an additional 2 weeks once I see him too. It's law over here. I've had to cancel 3 of my doctors appointments due to my father in laws illness and being needed at the hospital or at home with him. It's just feels like I'm not getting any time to think or take action at the moment.

I said I wasn't sure about anymore children in the future as I really didn't cope well when my daughter was born for the first few months. I was very depressed. My partner said he'd like another at some stage but he has a 13 year old from a previous relationship also. We have his son 50% of the time if not more.

So much to consider and so little time in which to do it

I think you need some time to think without the worry of your fil. I had 14 months between my two and not going to lie - it is tough. But on the other hand, I wanted two and felt may as well get the work done at baby stage for two. Sure enough they are nearly school age and easy. Great company. They don't even seek me for company as they play themselves.

But do what YOU need to do. It might not be the right time for you and be OK with that. It is early and you will be fine if you know if it is really the right choice.

Thanks @Littlelambpeep. So nice to hear that everything worked out well for you and your children and you came to the right decision x

My daughtera are 12 months apart, i got pregnant when my elder daughter was only 3 months. I also had a 3 year old and a 5 year old and no family support. It was hard at the time but also brought lots of joy. Now my youngest is 12 and i am so happy that i had 4 close together. So happy, that 9 years after her i had another baby!
My advice is to accept you will have a busy, stressful time but to roll with it, dont stress the small stuff and play the hand you have been dealt.
A new baby will also bring joy and happiness to your partner's family at a stressful time.

No advice really but just to let you know that a small age gap isn't bad. I planned all of mine with small age gaps. My youngest two are just 14 months apart xx

Thanks for the positives @UAEMum & @debbs77. I know that il just have to cope and there's millions of people who do, I am no different. I'm just not sure it'll be welcomed news and additional stress and worry for others. There's a lot to weigh up. And as I said, I'm feeling very pregnant right now so it'll all depend on how far gone I am. I know personally I couldn't terminate a pregnancy after 10 or so weeks. That's not to say I'm right and others are wrong at all, I just know I wouldn't be able to. Again, appreciate people taking the time to reassure me on both scenarios. It's really very kind x