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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Desperately in need of some advice.

12 replies

Star90 · 02/01/2018 16:52

Hello,
I am roughly 5 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby, the moment I found out I have been extremely worried and anxious as we already have 3 under 7. My husband isn't being particularly supportive as in he is literally just saying he will support me with whatever choice I make however I know that he believes its for the best that we abort. Every day I change my mind. Some days I think everything will be okay then the next i'm totally devastated I'm in this position and believe abortion is the best thing for our family as we already have our hands full. I just see four as a huge amount of children to have and I worry for the future financially. I know no one can tell me what to do and i'm not sure what posting on here is going to achieve but I feel like I'm going out of my mind. If there is anyone who has been in this position and can share their experience or anyone that has any advice I would greatly appreciate it xx

OP posts:
Topaz89 · 02/01/2018 19:57

When I was in your position I wish so much that someone said to me what I'm about to say to you, but nobody did...

I was pregnant with my 4th baby back in October. I felt the same as you. Confused, scared, worried, etc... I also have 3 under 7. I just didn't know how we would have coped.
I went through with a medical abortion at 8 weeks and 2 months on all I feel is sadness. We are struggling financially and our space is very limited, but these things have a way of working themselves out. My baby would have been due this June and I feel so empty now that I'm no longer pregnant.

If you are unsure on what to do, please don't do anything until you have had counselling and talked through your fears and worries. I felt rushed in to my decision because I wanted to have the medical procedure and was scared of the surgical, and because I found out at 6 weeks my time was very limited. In those 2 weeks I should have reached out and got more advice and support than I did. All I did was post a thread on here and told my partner. Counselling is what I needed.

I hope you are ok.Flowers

Topaz89 · 02/01/2018 19:59

Also I wish I had reached out to close family, who I know would have supported me having another baby. But I hid away from them.

Original poster
Star90 · 02/01/2018 21:59

Hi topaz89,
Thank you for your reply and I am so sorry that you feel the way you do :( I am so worried to feel the same as you do the sadness and empty feeling. How did your husband feel about everything initially?? Xx

OP posts:
Figrollsnotfatrolls · 02/01/2018 22:02

I had 4 under 7 and a fucking useless dh.
Left him and claimed benefits as a necessity. Have never regretted my dc.
Remarried in time and have more dc.
Self employed now and in a happy marriage.

Topaz89 · 02/01/2018 22:19

My DP was very shocked but was very easy about what decision we made. He has not felt any of the feelings that I have felt and has got on with life.
He does wish he had told me not to do it now though, not because he wishes we had gone along with the pregnancy but because he's seen how much it has affected me.

I really do recommend reaching out to people in real life if you haven't already done so.

newnamechange84 · 02/01/2018 22:33

I have three and fell pregnant for a fourth time last July. I would've been single which is slightly different but a fourth child would have completely changed the dynamic of my family and have been life altering. I had a termination at 7 weeks and didn't want to do it but five months on I have absolutely no regrets at all. Time can be a healer in certain circumstances.

Topaz89 · 02/01/2018 22:36

I think time will be a healer for me too.

Original poster
Star90 · 02/01/2018 22:58

Thank you for all your replies. I feel I’ve never been in such a hard position in my life. I have a telephone consultation tommorow with Marie stopes and I was looking at getting the surgical procedure and a coil inserted after. We are limited on family support as I lost my mum many years ago and my dad is older and just doesn’t understand the struggles we face these days. His parents have bailed us out one too many times and we would have to beg them to loan us some money for a bigger car😩 of course I’m sure they would help however the situation just feels so out of control. Xx

OP posts:
Topaz89 · 02/01/2018 23:45

I went through Marie Stopes. They are very nice over the phone and the nurse that was with me during my procedure was lovely too.
They will go through your options with you and will probably offer you telephone counselling if they haven't already done so.

Let us know how you get on. And if you need us as well you know where we are.

Original poster
Star90 · 03/01/2018 11:33

I have booked in for the surgical in a couple of weeks time! Not sure how I feel at the moment but I guess I’ve got a couple of weeks to go either way. It’s such a big decision 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
Star90 · 03/01/2018 11:34

Thank you Topaz for your support xx

OP posts:
Topaz89 · 03/01/2018 12:04

You've got a couple of weeks to have a good think about things. That's good! You will be ok.
Good luck! xx

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