Breast is best ?

[andreagibson]

Hello,

First time post:

16 weeks pregnant.

Was wandering if anyone had pumped from the breast and how they found this? Im looking for pros and cons.

My thoughts are that i don't want the baby too attached as i think it could be unhealthy for me, so i thought i would pump and then feed the baby. People have appeared to be agreeing with my idea but cant seem to find someone who has also done this.

The clingy separation anxiety stage will happen regardless of how you feed it’s a normal stage of child development. It would be more of a worry if it didn’t happen. It’s a sign of being exactly the right amount of attached rather than too attached.

I don’t think trying to avoid that bond forming is worth the hassle of pumping and feeding from the bottle.

It attachment theory/attachment disorder not covered in the training for being a RMN? I’d have assumed it would be.

A lot of babies will have separation anxiety however they are fed. There are lots of pros to breast feeding that make being the primary carer worthwhile (can feed whenever needed, can feed lying down etc). There is no reason though not to express as well as breast feed so that other people can do feeds too now and then. Just make sure the baby is latching and feeding well before you start offering a bottle too.

The important thing is to take your baby out and about to meet new people so that they see socialising as a normal thing. However personality has a lot to do with how well they are with this. Some are naturally clingy and shy whatever you do and others are bold and sociable. The clingy children you know just might have that need for comfort as they are shy.

Pumping exclusively requires an extrondiary amount of work on the mothers part. Your trying to mimic a whole load of interconnected hormonal responses with a machine rather than a baby. It might be worth finding out the “mechanics” of establishing breastfeeding to help understand what you’d need to do. A class run by a breastfeeding specialist might be worth while.

The attachment thing is interesting as the more we discover about babies and mental health the more important attachment seams to be
This position paper is a short read with plenty of references www.aaimhi.org/key-issues/position-statements-and-guidelines/AAIMHI-Position-paper-2-(2016)-Responding-to-infant-cues-(1).pdf

It’s also worth looking at circle of security. It’s a course but as health professional you might be able to get some more of the research it’s based on.

Pumping is very hard work. I had two micro preemie babies and pumped exclusively until they were well enough to feed. Not going to lie it was awful, the machine is harsh and the constant pumping was time consuming and time away from my baby. It can be done and if you want to do it I would suggest a electric pump and professional advice.
But the relief when I could simply breast feed was huge, so much more comfortable for both of us, I ended up breast feeding until my sons were 3 1/2 so it didn't affect supply.
Attachment as I'm sure you know is critically important even if bottle feeding, so time wise (I bottle fed my youngest adopted dd) I actually found bottle feeding took a lot longer, with prep and my dd wouldn't take a bottle from anyone other than me at all.
Flexibility is the key, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Pumping is far harder than breastfeeding. It's boring and laborious and uncomfortable. At least when you are spending that time feeding, you are relaxed, holding your baby and it's a pleasant experience.

I know someone who had no choice but to pump exclusively if she wanted her baby to get breastmilk but it was incredibly difficult for her physically and mentally, even without the emotional aspect of it.

Knowing exactly how much your baby is drinking isn't necessary. It was an expression of horror I got because when I was bf my first, I only met FFers "but how do you know how much he's getting?" I don't. But if he's hungry he will feed for longer. So I wouldn't worry about that.

And on top of that, I was a single parent. I exclusively breastfed for 15 months. I had very little support from anyone, but occasionally my grandma would sit with him while I went out for a break for a bit and his very secure attachment to me didn't pose any problems at all.

The thing with babies is that you just can't plan and predict like that. Some will be ok being left, others won't and the method of feeding you choose won't really influence that either way. Some will find pumping easy, others won't. Some find bf easy, some won't.

It’s so sad to read that someone who is clearly an educated person doesn’t want her baby to be “too attached” and is already planning date nights and “me time”.
Please take time OP to read up on attachment theory. It’s great you want to give your baby breast milk, and I hope you can learn about attachment and see that bf from source is a great way to help.

Have a look at some of Bowlby's work on the mother-baby dyad

I haven't read the article linked but some of Bowlby's work was flawed.

What do you see as 'overly attached' though? It's not abnormal for a young baby to only be comforted out of distress by a main carer. Not so much when very young but yes, when an attachment has developed they do depend on that one/two people and that's normal and healthy.
Securely attached babies can often be distracted out of tears if mum leaves the room but equally sometimes they can't and that's perfectly normal. Separation anxiety is also a normal stage that most well attached babies go through.

OP the babies you see who cry when their carers leave them are displaying normal, expected attachment behaviour. Babies who couldn't care less who is caring for them are a serious concern and this behaviour can have serious implications for future emotional well-being and mental health. You absolutely should not be aiming for a baby who is as happy with auntie sue and she is with you or her father.

Look at David Howe rather than Bowlby.

Just to add...

As regards attachment, well, it's difficult to say. My dd seems very happy. I wouldn't say she's suffered in anyway because she's not directly breast fed.

But how much of that will be personality anyway? It's tricky to tell.

She takes a bottle from me, from my DH, from both her grandmas, from her grandpa with no fuss whatsoever. She doesn't have a sole association between me and feeding, which I suspect has meant she has a stronger bond with DH.

I'll also add that breast milk actually lasts for six hours without refrigeration, so you've very little wastage compared to formula that is only supposed to last a hour out of the fridge.

Bowlby's long dead! Of course his work has been updated and developed - I just thought it would be interesting for the OP to see where some of the ideas came from, particularly around her worry about being the primary attachment for the baby. Thanks for the Howe link - I'll look with interest myself.

How old are your nieces? My advice would be if you want to make sure that you can sometimes go out is to regularly see another caregiver (like your mum) and make sure she spends lots of time with the baby and that he/she grows up knowing her. That way she can look after it when you want to go out. I didn’t have this kind of support and when my baby started getting separation anxiety (from about 8 months - he didn’t care before that who looked after him) I found that there was no one I could leave him with as he didn’t know anyone else well enough. Don’t worry about this too much for a first few months though, baby just needs you then and you can’t really get them in bad habits so just mentally prepare yourself that you won’t be able to go out (but this won’t last forever).

As for feeding a friend of mine had to exclusively pump for medical reasons and honestly it looks like so much work compared to breast feeding. My suggestion would be to look at mix feeding, maybe introduce a bottle of expressed milk from about 6 weeks so baby gets used to bottle and then switch to formula at around 12 weeks - then you can get into a routine of baby having a bottle at bedtime which means your partner can do bedtime. We did this and I found it really helpful as it meant I could still go out or have time to myself and it was great for my husbands bonding. If you want to exclusively breastfeed then you could just aim to pump one bottle a day and use it this way

My friend did this. It was never ending and it didn't work well. Her baby ended up in hospital because they were adamant their child would be 'breastfed'.
Nothing will increase your supply like your baby. You could breastfeed and pump extra so you can still have a date night?
Breast is best. It sounds like you don't want to breastfeed but are struggling with this choice, given you know this.
You say you want to enjoy motherhood, this was the most enjoyable part for me and I was very proud that I managed to feed my children for the time I did. Your feelings may change once your baby is here, so I would suggest being open to the idea of breastfeeding. I agree breastfed babies tend to be up more in the night, but also it's easier to feed a breastfed baby than a formula or bottle fed one and I quickly went back to sleep as I wasn't getting up to prepare bottles etc.

I think you could benefit from looking up what normal human development looks like for a baby. They go through phases like "stranger danger" where they won't be happy to go to people other than you. It passes and has bugger all to do with how you fed your baby. You do want a securely attached baby. That is the goal and that does mean a baby that recognises you as his/her primary care giver.

Pumping is a lot of work. In my opinion it's harder than formula and way harder than just giving breast. Breast feeding really does need to happen on demand especially while it's establishing and that can mean cluster feeding. We went through 3 weeks of DD feeding constantly for 5 hours in the evening. I watched a lot of box sets. It's not very orderly or on a schedule. I think if breast feeding is important to you then you will need accept it isn't orderly or on a schedule. Or you'll end up very upset and turning to formula anyway.

OP you do what you feel you need to do.

I would go with the flow, your instinct will tell you enough about what you should do.

As it is, my DS is 4 months and we've given occasional formula top ups since day 3 as my milk was slow coming in and he was jaundiced and I didn't want him to have to be readmitted. I intended to fully ebf, but shit happened and I combifeed gladly. Best of both worlds as I can't be bothered pumping anymore.

I genuinely think you'll know what you need to do. Follow your own instinct. If you need time to yourself pumping and bottlefeeding or making up some formula won't harm you or your baby. DS gets occasional morning bottles when I want a lie in and DP is home for example, some days I couldn't manage without it when he's been cluster feeding all evening! I don't think flow confusion is as big a deal as folk make it out to be to be honest... we've never had any issues anyway! DS is just happy to eat wherever it comes from :p

So yeah, you can make a vague plan now, but don't worry about sticking to it, when your baby arrives you'll have some overwhelming feelings and it's ok to follow them and look after yourself.