I've spent a little while browsing this topic before deciding to post. Please be kind with your comments as I'm not in a very good place right now. I don't know what I need; maybe just getting this off my chest will help (crying while typing).
Ok, so I've been with DH for 7 years, married for almost 2 years. We've had our ups and downs but always worked through stuff. After suffering a few miscarriages and all the associated pain and heartache, I gave birth to our DD who is now 2y 7mo. She is our world, but being parents has been hard work - she had reflux, CMPA and was a really poor sleeper - she is a stubborn little lady and at times difficult to deal with. We have bickered and fought so much because we disagree with how the other does things. This continues and it can be over any silly little thing such as choice of food at mealtimes, if she doesn't eat her food, nap times or lack off, method of putting to bed, if she's crabby who's fault it is for doing what wrong.... you get the picture. As a result of this DH and I don't communicate very well and our relationship has suffered quite badly. We seem to be lost, we spend very little 'quality time' together and I can count on one hand the number of times we have been out together just us since DD was born! We both work full time in pretty full on jobs and feel guilty that we 'palm her off' (his words not mine) when we work so don't do it to socialise.
A few weeks ago I began feeling familiarly queasy and did a home test BOOM I am pregnant, approx 11 weeks not planned but as the result of an issue with my contraceptive pill. Now, whilst I'm not clicking my heels together about it I had thought that it was something we could deal with, maybe even become excited about but DH's reaction to the news was not what I expected and really upset me.
Approximately 2 weeks ago after suffering with a migraine and sickness for 4 days I went to my GP who tested my urine and found ketones in there +4. I was sent straight up to EPU with toddler in tow thinking that I would be hooked up to IV fluids for a while and sent home. My Gran met me up at the hospital (prior to me going into the ward as nobody knows our 'good news') and she took care of DD for the rest of the afternoon until DH finished work. I was kept on the ward overnight and allowed home at tea time the following day. 32 hours I spent on that ward, alone, no visit from him, no nightgown of my own, no slippers, no toiletries nothing. He didn't miss a second of work or break from his routine other than to bath and put DD to bed.
I had a scan whilst on the ward and there is definitely a baby in there and I was told that all looks well.
Since then we have discussed our situation ZERO times other than the odd flippant comment such as "what did your supervisor have to say about YOUR good news" after he told me that I should notify work for h&s reasons.
I suffer with depression which is normally controlled fairly well with meds but the events of the past few weeks have left me feeling hurt, angry, bitter, lonely, lost.
What should I do? I know that if I terminate I will resent DH for it. I also know that our relationship is not strong enough to survive another baby. Right now I could walk away from him without hesitation but when we have argued he says he's not prepared to spend a day without DD so if I want to go I should basically expect that she won't be coming with me!
Sorry for the novel, thanks if you've stuck with it until the end x