So confused, to terminate or not?

[cludo]

I really need someone to vent to & some honest opinions. I know that no one can make this decision for me & ultimately i will have to come to that decision but i need a sounding board

So I'm 4weeks pregnant with baby number 5 & my youngest is only 6months.
Me & the father have temporarily split but we are working through the issues.
I always wanted a 5th child but not this soon, we used a condom but here i am.
I feel like its not the right time to have another but not sure if i could actually go through with an abortion & what scares me the most is regret.
But on the other hand i don't know if i will be able to cope with another with my DD being so young. I have several medical conditions which mean i get fatigued easier than the average 28yo.
We rent a 3 bedroom place so thats an issue aswell.
My DP says he's not sure about what the best thing to do is but i know he's more swaying towards an abortion. He says he'd want another but just not right now.

Im so confused i just need some advice!!!!

My opinion is that 4 weeks ago you did not want to be pregnant. You were not trying to be pregnant. You were actively trying to not be pregnant.

So I would assume that you still would prefer to be not-pregnant.

And you are lucky enough to live in a country that can help you to become not-pregnant safely and a little or no cost.

So if I were you I would take the necessary steps to become not-pregnant.

If only it was as easy as that @Trills I wouldnt have had to put this post up!
Just because i wasn't actively trying doesn't make this decision any easier. Ive always been adamant i would never terminate hence why I'm so confused.
A little compassion is all i ask for at this already shit time

You asked for advice, not compassion. I gave you my advice.

Obviously I have loads of sympathy for you being in this horrible situation, but my advice is still to think of it as something unfortunate that you can undo if you want to.

Do you want objective advice?

Sorry i took it that way @Trills my emotions are all over the place at the moment. I appreciate your reply.

@MorrisZapp yes please

The situation you are bringing this fifth child into sounds hard. You may struggle to find the time, energy and space for another. I can understand why you are worried.

However at the end of the day it's not all about rational decision making. You have to consider how you feel as well and the impact and abortion would have on your mental health only you really know what that will be.

Go by your heart not head. No one can tell you to have an abortion or not. Go with what feels right. (For me it sounds incredibly hard work and stressful but you know what it will entail and know how it might impact on your relationship)

It's a really tough one.

Think about it in every sense in detail. Physically, emotionally, financially. Everything.

Fwiw we're in this situation and although DH mentioned abortion I knew from the get go there was no way I could live with the guilt. We were exactly the same, had spoken about it for ideally in about 3yrs. (I had my 20wk scan today and found we're having yet another girl so at least they can all share!!) In all seriousness though I've put us on a major saving regime so we can find somewhere bigger by this time next year.

Good luck with your decision, either way you'll be fine and have a fantastic family x

It's OK, you are in a really crap situation, it's understandable that you'll be feeling upset and snippy. Being split up with a 6 month old is bad enough.

In your position, I absolutely would terminate. You're not in a stable relationship, you're struggling with health and housing, and you already have four kids at 28. Early termination is usually done medically and it isn't a difficult or physically traumatic procedure.

Thank you for your advice @MorrisZapp I agree with you on paper. The reason i have 4 at 28 is that 2&3 are twins but nevertheless i still have a lot going on for someone my age.

I was in almost this exact situation a few weeks ago. I never thought I'd have an abortion.

However I did, at 9 weeks, and recovery was VERY quick and easy. I barely bled at all and there was no pain x

Thank you @Gaggleofgirls good luck with your new adventure!

The think that makes me second guess is that if DP was excited & onboard with the news I would have probably just got through it. Not that he is influencing my decision, please don't get me wrong. Ive had twins, I know it wouldn't be as hard as that was. Im not worried financially, i could make do & save plus i have all the newborn kit still.
Its not like i don't work, i do.
I feel guilty that i do want another but not now. So many thoughts are going through my head

Thing*

Thank you for sharing that @BeautifulLiar

God this is hard. I know what you mean about regret, though.

In a situation not entirely dissimilar, I felt I had to consider the needs of the children who were already here; they had to come first.

How would your 4 children cope with sharing you with another little one, especially as your relationship with their father is on the rocks?

So the 14 month age gap doesn't especially worry you, because you've had twins? I couldn't cope but I'm not you. I tend to agree with morris but you're saying that if your dh was up for it you'd not be questioning it and that gives me pause.

Are you prepared to face bringing up 4 or 5 dc on your own, and could you in any case forgive dh if he was the main reason you terminated?

If you had a miscarriage tomorrow, how would you feel?
Relieved?
Disappointed?

In the answer to that question might light your way forward.

Fwiw, I was pregnant within 5 months of delivering, baby was delivered prematurely so there was exactly 1 year between them. It was fine.

Nobody here can tell you what to do - continuing or terminating a pregnancy is such a personal decision.

Best of luck
I'd consider alternative contraception in the future as well.

I think you need to think about your 4 kids, especially your 6 month old baby. How will this affect them? You are worried about how you will feel if you abort, but firstly you need to think about how they will cope if you don't.

I think I would be inclined to terminate mainly because of the other children and the impact another will have on them if you are flying solo with health problems. I've had a termination and although it was the right decision I beat myself about it for years. I'm now at peace with my decision but it took counselling and time.

Ultimately do what's best for you.

Thank you everyone for all your advice. I really do appreciate every opinion & experience

I agree totally with Trills.

There is no 'right' answer here, no 'right' thing to do. It just has to be the best thing for you, or failing that, the least worst thing.

And that needs to take into account your age, the children you already have, your physical well being, your mental well being, and what support you will have.