Hi I'm a long time lurker but never started a post. I'm just really looking for advice and a hand hold. I'm happily married and we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. When I was last pregnant I was very ill, I spent 7 weeks in hospital away from my eldest, nearly died twice and consequently have been left with renal impairment and a recently discovered autoimmune disease, Lupus. My baby was then born 2 months premature. Just a bit of background there. A couple of weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant, The condom split and I also took the morning after pill! Not so lucky for me. After much deliberation and upset we have decided it's best to terminate. I have been warned my health could be worse this time, and as selfish as it sounds the children I have now need me to be healthy for them. We are currently in the process of buying a house after renting for years and there is lots of other reasons. It's heartbreaking and we are both devastated but it isn't the right time. So anyway I contacted Marie stopes and was booked in etc, after speaking to my GP, due to my health conditions they said I need to have the termination in an NHS hospital - so a referral, scan and appointment later I now have to go in to hospital Friday for the first tablet and Sunday for the second staying in until I pass the fetus. We have no family close by and no childcare (the hospital only do this over the weekend otherwise the kids would be at nursery) This means i will have to go alone. I'm so scared and upset, I wish I could have my husband there. I'm thinking a million things and how I have to go through this alone. I just can't comprehend it. In an ideal world we would keep this baby. My husband has been good but also refuses to talk about it when I need to because it upsets him so much. I don't need anything solved I jut needed an outlet I suppose.