Hi all. I'm currently struggling with making a decision regarding my pregnancy. I'm 34, fell for a guy, within first 5 months fell pregnant. He has been going through a divorce at the time, and within a week of finding out about the pregnancy decided to go back to his ex despite of his initial excitement. The ex... is also pregnant with his child...
I have booked an abortion but finding it really difficult to "be ok" with the decision. He clearly stated he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, so I know I'll get no support (including financial - he already found a loophole). I live too far from my family to get any support and raising a child by myself is not something I have ever envisioned doing. The thought of my potential child never knowing their sibling or father absolutely crashes me. I know if I keep it I would struggle, both emotionally and financially, I'd most probably need to make drastic changes including selling my home as I don't think I'd be able to afford paying mortgage while off of work. I know all my plans would at least be placed on hold if not cancelled completely. I know having a child in a situation like this is something I never wanted, but at the same time I'm struggling to accept the abortion is the solution I want. I never want to feel that I've this child in some stupid hope that maybe he'll change his mind or be constant reminder of what he did. At the same time I'm worried I'm not getting any younger and that maybe I should keep it. One day I'm as clear as a day on being set on having abortion, next thoughts of what-ifs are creeping in and making me an emotional wreck.
Any support or advice would really be appreciated.