I've just come across this forum. I'm hoping that writing this all down will help in some way and for anybody reading, thank you! I found out in March 2016 that I was pregnant. Completely unexpected and at 42 something (stupidly) I thought wouldn't happen. Myself and my husband have been married 15 years and we have 2 young children, 4&6. We struggled to conceive naturally so after 8 years our 3rd round of IVF was successful and we were graced with our first born. Our second child arrived 22 months later and for me my family was complete. To be faced with an unplanned pregnancy at my age was a complete and utter shock and the thought of going through all the baby stage again frightened the hell out of me. I had no elation after seeing the 2 lines on the pregnancy stick, as awful as it sounds I contemplated throwing myself down the stairs to hopefully induce a miscarriage, I knew at the time that I didn't want to go through this again. So why, just over a year on, am I still punishing myself and thinking that I'm the most horrific person ever. Since March 16 my life has been on hold, I've missed my children getting another year older and I'm wracked with guilt. For anybody out there who had these emotions, does it get easier? Why am I so guilt ridden with the decision I made which I know in my heart was the right one. I just want to make peace with what I've done and enjoy what I wanted to protect. Any advice much appreciated.