Unsure on father

[user1491132576]

Okay this is literally my only outlet at the moment because I have no family or friends I can speak with. I feel terrible in this situation and it's one I never thought I'd be in. I have so many worries and concerns any advice you have will really help me.

I have been with my partner on and off for 4 years. This year we got engaged and moved in together. We have talked about kids and I came off the pill but he had leukaemia a few years ago and to be honest I thought it would take a long time for me to get pregnant so didn't really think too much about it but would be ecstatic if we did.

A few weeks ago on 8th May we had a huge row. In anger and frustration I went to see my ex and we ended up sleeping together but used a condom.

I went home feeling disgusting. We made up and I realised what a terrible thing I'd done and that it wasn't what I wanted at all.

Now on 2nd April I realised I haven't had a period since late Feb. I can't remember when it was except it started after 14th Feb and before the 28th. I did a Boots own test that was negative then I checked a few hours later and it was faint positive.

I have done 3 x clear blue and they are all positive. 1st was midday on 2nd and said 2-3 weeks. The second was the first wee on 3rd and said 1-2 weeks. The 3rd was just after that and said 2-3 weeks.

All the pregnancy and conception calculations say I'm 5 weeks? I need to know what date I conceived. If this baby is not my partners it will be very obvious when it is born and I simply cannot do that to him.

I've read online about paternity tests whilst pregnant but also that gps are unwilling especially if termination is an option.

I need to choose the right thing. I am marrying my partner in a year, I can't throw away a lifetime of happiness because of a stupid mistake. But a baby is a life and what if I can never conceive again? I do want kids.

Can anyone help? I feel like obviously if i used a condom and it didn't split then it can't be my exs but I can't base the rest of my life on that assumption. Thank you x

You can have a scan in a few weeks and they will take measurements to estimate gestation. That will help you. Remember to subtract two weeks from the age they give you to estimate when conception was.

Subtract 14 days from the date you expected your period - that might be the date. Though if you used a condom with ex. It is likely to be long term partner

Terminate the pregnancy and terminate the relationship. You really shouldn't be getting married if you're reaction to a row is to run off and have unprotected sex with an ex. Don't bring a child into this mess too.

I think Signora has a point, sadly.

It's counted as 5 weeks from the first day of your last period but conception date will depend on your cycle. How long is your cycle normally? If it's a regular 28 day cycle then ovulation is usually said to be around 12-14 days from day one of your period, give or take a couple of days either side. I'm pretty sure I conceived a little earlier than the average which surprised me as I always had a pretty standard 28 day cycle.

If you were having regular unprotected sex with your partner before and after your row then chances are it is your partner's child assuming he has normal fertility.

As tough as it is, maybe need to give thought to telling them both what's happened and trying to get a test done sooner rather than later if it's an option so you can prepare to have the baby knowing who the father is and he can be active in the process. If it's your partner's baby, there's a risk he will want to end the relationship but I think it's better to live with that possibility and try to salvage the relationship than live with the doubt.

I don't think you should terminate if you fundamentally want to have children. Whilst you may have made a mistake, there are ways to try and resolve this even if the outcome isn't what you might want.

Those weeks indicators on the digital tests are really unreliable so I wouldn't put much faith in them.

It sounds pretty unlikely it is your ex's given the condom. Also the fact that you initially got a negative when you tested and then only a faint positive suggests you conceived much later than 8th March.

But this doesn't sound like a good relationship. The off/on nature and fact that a row caused you to run off to an ex doesn't bode well.

Did you make a decision OP?

You would have conceived some time in the first two weeks of March, going by your period dates. That also puts you at about 5-6 weeks pregnant so it adds up. I'd guess towards the end of the second week but who knows.

Condoms can unfortunately fail even if it didn't visibly split.

Does your partner know you slept with your ex?