My head is saying no but my heart is saying yes

[TheDramaLlama123]

To keep this baby. I have a termination booked for December but by then I will be well in to my second trimester and I'm starting to have second thoughts, but I know I will struggle as I am already a single mum of 2 and am unemployed as Ive struggled to get back into work after my ex left (was a stay at home mum) So I face raising 3 children alone, relying on benefits and with my last DC I had such bad PND I tried to commit suicide on my DS's birthday (which will haunt me forever for ruining his big day) and I'm scared It'll happen again and I don't want to be that Mummy again. Also selfishly, I have just started rebuilding my life after my ex left me. But, I love my children and I would love this child so much, but is it enough? sorry if I am rambling, i can't sleep at all at the moment.

I'm not qualified to answer in any way, and completely support your choice, whatever it is. But if you feel emotionally attached already, it will be a wrench, I think. Do you feel better able to manage pnd now you have had it? I definitely am better prepared for my spells of depression and anxiety now than I used to be.

Thank you pklme. I do feel attached already, i feel movements already. but think i should go ahead with the appointment even if i don't want too, I don't know about managing the pnd, maybe, I'm older and wiser (it was 6 years ago) but what if i can't.

Have you thought about adoption? I don't know op. I'm guessing life is hard and skint already.

Adoption isn't something i could do as i feel i would be choosing to keep two but not one and how could I explain it to my other children.

Hi,
I wish I had the answer for you, but I don't. I can only offer a hand to hold, and to share my story, as it's similar to yours.
I recently found myself unexpectedly pregnant. I have 2 DCs already and I'm a single parent. I don't work as my DS has SEN.
I struggled to decide what to do, as like you I was worried about coping with 3 children on my own, with not a lot of money or support. I also had PND with both of my children, and I still have MH problems now.
However, I decided to continue the pregnacy, as I decided that for me, the guilt of a termination would have more of a detrimental affect on my MH than having the baby. My friends and family thought I was crazy to carry on with the pregnancy, but I made the decision for myself.
Sadly, I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks and I am now coming to terms with the loss of my baby, but I'm getting there.
I am sure you will make the right decision for YOU and your family.
I'm here if you want to pm me.
All the best xx

Thank you Ariel x
Thank you for sharing - So sorry for the loss of your little girl x
I keep making the decision, then I see a baby or my mind wanders into baby names then I'm confused all over again.

Have you got any family or friends to support you in RL?

Drama it isn't my decision to make or place to give advice but if, at this stage, you aren't sure what to do, perhaps you may spend a lifetime regretting it.

I cannot begin to imagine the position you are in >>>>>>

Thank you both, Ive only told one person in RL, my best friend and she's being very supportive but she clearly thinks I shouldn't go through with it, and I tend to keep my feelings to myself anyway. I wish I could tell my mother, as thats all I've wanted to do for the past few weeks, but were only just becoming close again after a few years of arguing and I know she'll be angry with me for getting into this situation.

Oh Drama my dc are 18 and 22. Whatever my opinions are I want to be able to support them when the chips at down. And we might have had a row or two but they are my babies and I'd always want them to be able to come go me even if I've sometimes done it wrong. You need your mum and she needs to know you need her.

How are you doing, OP?