Regret

[Howard00]

Had an abortion almost 4 weeks ago now. I have an 8 month old DD and a very supportive partner, it just wasn't the right time for another baby. Financially we would of struggled very badly.

Anyway, I'm not expecting any sympathy. I know it was my choice. Plus I wouldn't want people to think I took the pregnancy for granted, I know I'm extremely lucky to be able to get pregnant especially since I've had two MCs in the past.

I've just started to regret it, I'd be 11 weeks now. I just wanted to be able to say it really, I feel like I have no one to talk too. I know I probably sound mental but I think I miss the baby, I feel horrendous about what I did.

I'm sure this is perfectly natural.

Did you have second thoughts at the time? Or was your first reaction relief, and only now do you feel regret?

I had mixed emotions the whole time- when it was over I felt relief and a pang of regret which has now grown. I think because I see my beautiful DD everyday I've realised through her that I would have loved this other baby so much even if I was struggling to pay the rent etc....it's true what they say, you will never regret having your DD/DS but you can regret not having them.

I feel deeply ashamed of myself and haven't told any friends.

Of course you feel like this. It's normal. You weighed up the situation and in your head and heart you knew that this was the best outcome. Your hormones will still be settling down so just try and be kind to yourself.

It will pass.

Thank you whatdoidohelp :) x

Don't be ashamed. There wasn't right or wrong choice - just the best choice at the time. Feeling sad and wondering what if don't invalidate your choice - it's normal to process your feelings this way.

Be kind to yourself.

I know what you mean.

I felt pretty sure at the time; it wasn't best for us at the time at all, but now, I'm desperately sad.

I'm actually in a worse place to have a baby now; I've split up from the father.

Thing is, I know I'm now looking at it from an entirely emotional perspective. I'm not weighing up the financial and family impact. It's no longer possible that I would have to give up work and my house will be overcrowded. And it's not a possibility my health/baby will be threatened by the meds I'm on.

Now I have time to focus only on the child it might have been.

Does that make sense?

The negatives are still negative, but no longer pressing.

I had an abortion last year. I was 14 weeks and my partner didn't want to keep it and after much soul searching I realised abortion was the best option. I already have a daughter and my job doesn't pay well and neither does my partner's. I was on the pill at the time so I guess I just got unlucky. I had a surgical abortion. It went well but I got an infection which was the scariest thing ever. I took that to be a punishment for what I'd done. I knew it was the right decision but I started feeling terrible. I would cry thinking what if and wondering if it was a boy or girl, what it might have looked like etc. It was especially hard come the due date. However, things have happened since that have made me realise it was for the best. Me and my partner went through a really rough patch (although we're okay now) plus I was made to leave my house due to my landlord selling up around the same time as I would have had a 1 month old, we also had to move to a much smaller place as we couldn't afford anywhere else so there would have been four of us in a small 2 bed flat... I still think about it. How old it would be now, would it look like me, would my daughter love having a sibling. But I've started to come to terms with it and I don't regret it anymore. It's natural I think, to regret it. And I don't think that anyone who has an abortion ever really forgets about what could have been. Hugs