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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

dilemma about what to do

4 replies

togoforitornottogoforit · 14/10/2015 16:33

Hello everyone
Name changed for this one. Today I realised I was a bit late for my period so did a test..and it was positive.
Whereas this is not disastrous I am also not sure about what to do.
I am in a good relationship, we are due to get married next year (probably would have to postpone the wedding a couple of months since scheduled about one month after a potential due date).
I have 2 DCs from my previous relationship, fairly spirited children lets say age 4 and 6.
Me and Dfiancee have discussed whether to have a baby many times and never really been able to decide if we wanted to go ahead or not.. its always been a bit 51% against - just beginning to get out of the woods a bit with the DCs, we get some time to ourselves, and he's loved by my DCs. Also in terms of my job it would be a setback, was beginning to reestablish myself.
Very unsure about what to do. but at the same time none of the above reasons seem good enough for me to terminate... Dfiancee also very unsure.

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thisisnow · 15/10/2015 09:49

You don't need a good enough reason to terminate other than it's simply not a good time for you - you don't need to justify it or feel bad, plenty of women terminate purely for that reason. You sound half and half so this is where the decision becomes tricky.

You still have time to think about what you're going to do. Try and remember in this kind of situation there is no right or wrong decision and whatever way you go will be the right choice and you'll make it work for you Flowers

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LittleRedSparke · 15/10/2015 10:03

What thisisnow said - you make the decision that is right for you and DFiance.

as you are 50/50. maybe you could do the old coin in the air, sometimes works with what you want the result to be (not trivialising this AT ALL! just sometimes this can help make a decision)

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Thurlow · 15/10/2015 11:12

Firstly, you don't need a reason to terminate a pregnancy. The only thing that matters is that you feel that you don't want to have another child, either at the moment or ever. No one ever needs to have solid reasons for you.

As a pure outsider, reading what you have written you don't enormously sound convinced. You see problems and difficulties ahead, but not disaster. (Not that I mean that in any way to suggest that you shouldn't have a termination if you want). That is, as littlered says, a very tricky position to be in. But you have time on your hands, by the sounds of it.

If you can, try and stop and imagine what the future will look like in both situations - having a baby, and not having a baby. Picture one, two, five years time. Is there a future you feel more comfortable with? Is there a future which worries or scares you?

Keep talking to your DP. It helps if you can come to a mutual decision, just in terms of supporting each other. Remember, deciding not to have this baby now doesn't automatically mean you are deciding not have children together in the future.

Many, many women will have a termination in your position - the feeling of not being ready to have another young child at that time, the worry of work and your financial future etc, the worry of what it will do to the family you already have.

Equally, work is just work, and if you have been re-establishing yourself now after returning to work after children, then you will be able to do it again in a few years. And an age gap of 4-5 years between your youngest will easier than an age gap of 2 years between your children.

Good luck, and Flowers. Keep talking if you want to.

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togoforitornottogoforit · 15/10/2015 23:08

Hello all and thanks for your sage advice. Am reading and considering.
What this has brought out is the extent to which my dp is not ready for a baby/ against having any. The problem I have is I don't know whether this is something he'll grow to regret. Ie if he's panicking.
He is however very supportive of whatever I decide..
Am going to start process, meeting doctors etc but as you say still time. Although am beginning to feel pretty sick etc.
life huh.

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