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Pregnancy choices

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What to say at work

5 replies

PlebsLeague1 · 17/09/2015 06:17

Hi there. I am 47 and got pg in Jan and had a medical abortion in March, after my DH made it very clear that the pg was unwanted by him, and that if I continued with it our family life would be over.
After the op I had a week of work and told them I had had an operation for fibroids. I really didn't know what else to say and was too upset to think of much else.
I had been dealing with the decision to have an abortion, despite being surrounded by pregnant colleagues, but the last few weeks (around about what would have been my due date) I have begun to fall apart. I feel really terrible, lost, out of control, angry, and really sad. I really feel like I need some time off work, as I'm having real trouble functioning, and just want to hide under a rock somewhere.
I have applied for unpaid leave, and it has been granted. I have told my manager that it's because I had a miscarriage early in the year and the due date is around now. I didn't really have to tell her, but it felt like she wanted to know my reasons were enough to give me the time off IYSWIM. So I now feel bad about lying. I did want my baby, but had no real option of keeping it, and I feel like my grieving for it, and the way I feel would be similar. (I have never had a miscarriage, so forgive me if I am speaking out of line).
So today I am expected to go and talk to my manager about it - what do I say? I don't want sympathy, I just want some time off. I hate lying and it is just contributing to my feeling of hopelessness and anxiety.
Any help you can give would be appreciated.

OP posts:
AndiYouGoonie · 17/09/2015 07:01

Plebs, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Could you be honest with your manager and say a condensed version of what you have here? Or could you see a doctor and get signed off that way? I suppose it all depends on whether you want to be fully honest or just cite stress or depression.????For what it's worth, I'm a team leader and would respond with nothing but sympathy and support for your situation. Thanks

potap123 · 17/09/2015 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stroopwaffel · 17/09/2015 20:26

Plebs, I posted on your original threads under a different name.. So sorry you're feeling like this. you need to take time to grieve.

I am 12 years down the line from you and the rawness of the emotions you are dealing with now does fade. You learn to cope but it is a very hard thing to go through.

I agree with the poster above who said tell your manager you lost a baby and are struggling to deal with it. She needs no more details than that..

And see if you can get a counselling referral or if you can pay for it then that would be quicker.. It definitely helps to talk to someone about it.

Does your husband know how you're feeling?

PlebsLeague1 · 18/09/2015 20:35

Thanks everyone. Its weird, some days I feel fine, some I feel completely floored. I have spoken to DH and he suggests counselling. I want to yell "if you hadn't made me have a termination I wouldn't need frigging counselling" but then I can't blame him 100% as I could have put my foot down and taken the consequences. My meeting at work was fine, she told me to enjoy my week off, so I think she completely missed the point of my email! at least I don't have to go through it all with her. I might go and see my doctor, as I am not coping with the stress of work at all. Maybe she'll sign me off for a bit.
I really appreciated all the support I got on this thread, I don't get back here very often as the namechanging is a bit of a faff, but thanks everyone for being here. xxx

OP posts:
Stroopwaffel · 19/09/2015 16:34

It's hard for men to understand a lot of the time I think.. I don't mean to generalise or be sexist but it's an abstract concept for them as they are not the one experiencing it.

I think that often they think that a termination will take things back to how they were before the pregnancy happened.. Which is obviously not the case.

would your dh consider going to counselling with you? Maybe it would help.. I don't know.

Hope you're doing ok today and you manage to get signed off for a bit.

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