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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

No idea what to do.

10 replies

dietstartsmonday · 16/09/2015 21:13

Ok so I am 37. Have 3 teenagers and a 10yo stepson.
Just found out I am pregnant. Very shocked right now.
How on earth do I decide what to do?
I don't know if I can start again now

OP posts:

lorelai222 · 17/09/2015 14:09

What are your main concerns and how does your partner feel about it? I hope someone who has been in the same boat will be along shortly to share their experience.

Original poster

dietstartsmonday · 17/09/2015 17:03

Thanks for your reply.
I haven't told my husband yet, just tested yesterday. Was expecting a negative.
Main concerns are
Starting over
Money I am higher earner so couldn't take long on maternity leave
Child care costs when I go back to
And just if I really want another child.

On the other hand we don't have one together, so that would join us all as a family maybe.
But my lot are 17, 16 and 15. The easier times of being able to go out alone were here. Do I want to loose that??
So confused

OP posts:

lorelai222 · 17/09/2015 20:41

I can imagine that the thought of going back to the baby days would be daunting. As is knowing you would have to go back to work fairly quickly. You had your DC very close together, that must have been challenging. How do you think the dynamics would change both as a family and as a couple? How do your DC get on with your DSS? Now that you've had a little bit of time for the test result to sink in would you feel better talking it through with your DH or do you need more time to think things through on your own?

Original poster

dietstartsmonday · 17/09/2015 21:23

Dss is lovely, spends half the week here we get on well.
I think I am worried about family dynamic. My three need me with all the exams etc I would have so much less time.
I am going to tell DH tomorrow and see what he says.
It feels selfish to have this a baby when we have 4 more who need us. But I hate the idea of an abortion too.
Thank you for replying, it is really helping

OP posts:

lorelai222 · 18/09/2015 09:41

You sound like a very close and supportive family. With a baby in the house it would make revision and school work harder but on the other hand your teens may be delighted to have a baby brother or sister. They may be able to use the local library when it is close to exam time. They might also be able to help out more with housework and cooking, skills they will need when they leave home. I hope that things go well with your DH. He may need a couple of days for the news to sink in. It may be worth looking at some info on the bpas website just so you know what an abortion might involve.

MummyBex1985 · 18/09/2015 21:20

Just a thought, but your older DCs will probably make suitable babysitters you won't lose your life completely.

Thurlow · 18/09/2015 21:26

It's early days. Take your time, talk to.your DH, think about practicalities.

You need to give yourself a few days to get over the shock you've just had.

The best advice is to imagine having this baby, and not having this baby. Try and picture a year's time. How do you feel about the two scenarios?

Daffodil1210 · 18/09/2015 21:41

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice, but didn't want to read and run, and also just wanted to add my experience from the "child" perspective, which is a wholly positive one. I was 18 (A Level year) when my DSis and 19 when my DB were born, after my DM remarried and decided to have a couple more DC. Having babies (and later young children) in the house was wonderful and made Christmas, Easter and birthdays so much more magical and exciting, and can't say it affected me all that much with regards to studying as I could always retreat to the library and friends houses if it was a bit too manic at home. I was also a built in babysitter (still am 9 years later!!) which not only gave me great experience for when my own DS was born this year, but acted as a great "contraceptive"

I hope things went well with your DH today

Original poster

dietstartsmonday · 29/09/2015 20:42

Thanks all for your advice. I have now told DH and he is as unsure as I am.
I had a consultation for a termination today, then stopped in mother care and looked at prams. Am all over the place.
I know I am 8 weeks gone now, so have a little time to decide

OP posts:

thisisnow · 29/09/2015 23:00

Hope you're okay as you can be. Like you said you have more time to think it over. Have you spoken to a counsellor through Marie Stopes? They can be quite helpful just having someone to listen. Try to remember there really isn't a right or wrong decision and whatever you choose there will be an element of doubt.

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